There have been innumerable times when I’ve been faced with a challenge where I thought, “I’ll just suck it up and get through this quickly.”
That’s work pretty well.
- I got through my high school graduation speech in front of hundreds of people this way.
- I forced myself to do in-person sales calls as a rookie rep doing this.
- It’s how I made it through interviews, relocations, new jobs, dental work, etc.
I believe that anyone can do almost anything if it’s for a short period of time.
Other times, I’ve gotten through difficult times assuming they would be brief and finite – only to learn later that they were chronic.
- Health. I thought my wife’s back surgery in 1999 would cure her back problems and enable her to live pain free. I certainly didn’t count on her needing another surgery 10 years later. Nor did I think she’d suffer from periodic disabling back pain flare ups for the rest of her life.
- Diet. I’ve been as heavy as 230 lbs and as light as 158 lbs since I was 20. Every time I’ve lost weight, I told myself I’d never allow myself to get fat again. But I did. In the last 10 years, I finally accepted that I have to stay on a strict diet, otherwise I quickly fall into the habit of eating junk food and gaining weight.
- Money. I’ve been debt free a few times in life due to sudden windfalls – a big bonus, a small inheritance, the sale of a house. But I quickly fell back into debt until I became obsessive about controlling my finances and staying debt free. For me, being financially accountable requires a lifelong commitment.
This brings me to my wife’s cancer treatment. She had major surgery to remove a part of her lung last month. Prior to surgery, all tests indicated that this would “cure” her cancer.
We just met with the oncologist who is now recommending chemotherapy. He said there’s a chance that all of the cancer is gone. But, there’s also a chance that some cancer has migrated elsewhere in her body but is undetected because it is microscopic.
With lung cancer, there’s a 50% chance of recurrence. Chemo reduces this by 20%. So he recommended chemo.
Damn.
We thought it was over.
My wife’s chemo begins next week. There’s no way around it. It’s going to suck. The side effects will be hard for her.
Hopefully her cancer never comes back. But we will be watching for it for the rest of her life.
Here’s what I am anticipating:
- I’ve been with Ellen through 3 different long term treatments for other diseases before. The worst had her bedridden for most of 11 months.
- We expect tiredness, nausea, vomiting, hair loss, peripheral neuropathy, weakness, loss of appetite, headaches, etc.
- We are hoping this kills any remaining undetected cancer.
- I’ll be picking up all the slack around the house. I have to anticipate that Ellen will be unable to do much.
- In the near term, our lives will revolve around hospital appointments, doctors visits, blood tests, prescriptions and medical visits. In the long term, this will lessen.
Here’s what I am doing to prepare:
Although I’d like to increase my number of consulting projects, I have to settle for doing whatever I can fit into my schedule. My priority has to be helping my wife.
Although I hate to spend the money, I will hire someone to help maintain the garden. There’s no way I can do this without help.
I will be spending more money during her treatment to buy books, rent movies, get takeout and on other things my wife can enjoy while she’s sick.
If all goes well, she will be finished with chemo in November.
I asked the oncologist what we can expect after that and he said, “Let’s discuss it at that time.” That tells me there’s more to come.
We know that if her cancer returns, she’ll need more chemo, radiation or surgery to treat it. We know if it spreads unchecked, it will kill her.
Right now the doctor said he’s not thinking this will kill her, he’s treating this as if he can cure her. I hope that he’s right.
So we’re in this for the long haul – which will be the rest of our lives together.
I’ve accepted this. I’m just not happy about it.