My favorite subjects in school were Math and Science. They came to me naturally – especially Math. It also appealed to me that in these subjects there was always one “right” answer. There was no ambiguity or gray areas. Or at least, that’s how I was taught*.
In most of my other classes we were taught there was only one right answers too – English, History and Social Studies were based on rote memorization of factoids. You might think English composition grading allowed for variation but I found it was 100% based on spelling, grammar and formatting rules – the quality of the writing never seemed to matter.
In college, my science courses had Lab components where we would run experiments then report our results. If my results were incorrect, then my grade would drop. So I learned very quickly to calculate the desired results before each lab and then make sure to my report reflected these “correct” results.
When I eventually stumbled into a sales career, I was judged on results. Period. It was quite black and white. Either I hit the numbers or I didn’t. Soft skills like leadership ability, intensity, knowledge, communication etc were nice to have but closing sales topped everything else.
Reps and managers who hit their numbers were rewarded. Those who didn’t would stagnate or be fired.
Even though I personally valued much more than hitting the numbers, I thrived in this unambiguous environment. There was a right answer and it was my job to get it done.
Since I’ve retired, I am no longer driven to find the right answers. I don’t see the world as so black and white anymore. There are many gray areas.
So although it seems antithetical to how I was taught and how I excelled, I’ve embraced this ambiguity.
I developed an impressionist painting style. I’ve learned to draw but purposely focus on less precise sketching, shading and composition. Most recently I’ve been focused on learning to use watercolors. With these, my painting is intentionally loose and imprecise.
When I write, I break many style and grammar rules. I make up words. I begin sentences with “And”. I publish one word sentences. I write phrases that don’t have a subject and predicate. I try to write the way I speak naturally instead of adhering to the “rules” I was taught.
When I drum, I’m not at all concerned with perfection. I don’t use a metronome clicker because I prefer to immerse myself in the music instead of working to get perfect timing. Who cares if I’m offbeat or miss a few bars? My only audience members are Snickers and Wiggles. They seem quite happy to ignore my mistakes and celebrate when I stop playing.
I still admire perfection. I admire precise construction work. I am awed by smooth painting jobs, perfectly aligned joints and professional finish work.
I’m just not going to spend my time or energy seeking it.
I’ve got other things to do.
* Although I was taught that science was exact, I’ve since learned it is not. Decades of dealing with my wife’s health issues, a few injuries of my own and my observations during the covid pandemic have taught me that science is inexact, imperfect and often a guessing game.