Talking to a couple of friends recently has me thinking about life and happiness. When my friends ask me how I am, my answer 95% of the time is, “I’m fantastic.” And the thing is, it’s true. Unfortunately for my friends, when I ask how they are doing, 95% of the time, their answer is not the same.
In addition to our natural baselines, the resilience we developed in life, and our expectations, it course to me that the difference between my friends and me is what we are seeking in our lives.
I chase intrinsic rewards. I enjoy taking on challenges, working through the plain of suckitude to gain competency and living a structured, principled life. My life is filled with activities that support this.
My friends are seeking extrinsic rewards. They want validation from others, recognition from society, and kudos from others that demonstrate their own worth.
Both intrinsic and extrinsic activities have their place in our lives. After all, we all social creatures – even a hermit like me is.
But, I think that no amount of extrinsic rewards will compensate for inadequate self-worth. That hole can only be filled intrinsically. I know, I tried to fill it myself with job titles, money, prestige and recognition. They might work for a little while, but eventually, the only long term fix comes from within.
This post is so wishy washy, it’s making me sound like a Philosopher so I want to end with some practical, actionable advise for my friends (who have not asked for my advice):
Try a bunch of things that matter only to you. Be prepared to suck. Fail a lot. Eventually, you’ll discover who you are and what is important to you. You might even find it makes the extrinsic rewards even more enjoyable.