As amply evident throughout my life, I have a tendency to go too far down the rabbit hole of specialization. The last example of this that I wrote about in January was my shoulder injury that was the result of overspecialization on a strict, unwavering, daily gymnastics, swimming and yoga based fitness routine. Although I developed this routine with good intentions, over the years it became an obsessive and compulsive structure that not only didn’t serve me any more, but actually caused me problems.
I’m glad I recognized this and made changes before I suffered irreparable damage.
Well – it happened again a little over a week ago. Without getting too into the details (which I’ll cover in-depth in a follow up post), after more than 5 years, I quit following a carnivore/keto diet.
This change happened overnight, although the impetus for it had been building up inside of me over the past several months, and possibly much longer.
In a nutshell, I quit the carnivore diet and returned to the Primal Diet, primarily following the advice I learned from Mark Sisson back in 2016. I had followed this diet for about 5 years. I always felt like it was one of the most enjoyable eating “programs” I had ever followed. At the same time, it increased my energy levels, my satisfaction with food, the variety in my diet, and my fitness while improving my body composition.
In fact, the reason I transitioned from Primal to Carnivore were a mix of curiosity, a drift towards eating mostly meat anyway and an apathy towards food.
After my wife died, I lost my appetite and interest in food in general. I did and still greatly do miss eating with her.
What I hadn’t realized, until having a breakthrough conversion with a close friend last week, was that I had been contracting my entire world since my wife died by using control, optimization, minimalism and simplification, and specialization in my habits, exercise, spending, socialization, and, of course, my diet.
- I thought this brought me peace and comfort. It did.
- I thought it gave me unique challenges to focus on. It did.
- I thought it opened up new chapters in my life. It did.
Until it broke me.
So, for the past two weeks, I’ve had my mind fully occupied while my routines have been completely disrupted. Everything from exercise planning to grocery shopping to kitchen organization to meal planning to restocking spices to determining which foods I can eat without adverse side effects have consumed my waking hours.
It has been a total blast.
Just like when I returned to Functional Fitness early this year, I had forgotten how much I enjoyed and thrived on a Primal diet.
I missed eating. I missed cooking. I missed everything about it.
I love cooking and always have. I like being creative with recipes, foods and spices. I like testing my boundaries and developing new skills. I like the taste of a variety of foods. I live crunch salads, raw vegetables, sautéing, searing, roasting and stewing. I love the smells, the colors, the tastes and textures. This had all disappeared from my life. Purposely. I had eliminated it in an attempt to … control? test? challenge? experiment? get lean?
Not only had I purposely limited my diet to carnivore, I went further until I was only eating ground beef, liver, salmon, eggs, water and iced tea. Shopping was a race to get out of the store. Cooking was a burdensome chore of making a big batch of meatballs, packing them into the freezer and cleaning the pans.
Taste? Flavor? Whatever.
I didn’t care.
Or, to be more precise , I didn’t allow myself to care.
Or feel.
Or miss my wife every time I ate.
Obviously this is much bigger than a dietary choice for me.
That’s why the two hour call with my old friend last week was so helpful. It was precipitated by three nights where I woke up wide awake after getting less than 4 hours of sleep. Add in a new shoulder and back injuries that I am currently rehabbing (and suffering through). The add in cravings and several binges with nuts, ice cream, cheese and cookies over recent months.
Plus, a sense that something is not right and feeling at times like I was losing my mind.
Like I said – it was a lot bigger than staying lean and dietary choices.
I’ve got a lot more to say about this transition, the coming of my carnivore chapter and the opening of a new one. More to come.
*Title refers to an old SNL skit called “the church lady” featuring Dana Carvey. I never liked this character, but her sardonic tag line “isn’t that special?” rings in my head when I think of how “special” and unique I’ve become. I couldn’t find a good clip online to link because like I said, I always thought this sketch was annoying and irritating.