I have been reading essays from Neil Gaimen and Tim Kreider that have been both entertaining and thought-provoking. An idea that they stirred up in my head centers focuses on obsessions. Both wrote about their own lives and how they pursued work, art and relationships, based on things they could not stop thinking about.
I have often said that when I am into something, I give it 150%, to the detriment of other activities. It is a deliberate, intentional choice I make. It’s the only way I know.
Moderation (or balance) in all things sounds nice, I’ve just never been able to do it.
It occurs to me that this is a key component of not only the success I’ve had in life, but the joy and freedom I have had as well. I think we should all embrace and pursue our obsessions. We can try to fight them, but we will eventually lose because they are obsessions.
We either give into our obsessions intentionally or we make ourself miserable trying to stave them off, before eventually succumbing to them.
We think about them all the time. We read about them. We research them. We talk about them. We study them. They are part of what make us who we are.
There is no middle way.
That was what helped me decide to adopt a second dog.
I did not bother writing a pro/con list. I already knew my list would be have a dozen reasons not to adopt a dog. I know what I’m getting into – work, hassles, frustrations, expenses.
But I want one. I can’t stop thinking about it.
So I’m leaning in.
I spoke to a lifelong bachelor friend who has been yearning desperately for a partner/wife for a long time. He’s made some awful choices in the past few years that have caused himself a lot of pain, effort and expense without providing what he wanted.
So he’s made a number of changes in his approach to dating. And he’s done extensive therapy. And he’s talked to me and other friends, way too much about his obsession.
But yesterday, I told him about my epiphany after reading Gaimen and Kreider and I told my friend that he should lean into his obsession to find happiness, meaning and purpose.
He has no other choice anyway.
Neither do you.
Nor I.