I am alone most of the time, but I am rarely lonely Apparently I’m an outlier – or at least I am when compared to many other people. Psychologists, therapists, authors and media report that we have a loneliness epidemic. Ever since the book “Bowling Alone” was written in 2000, people have been feeling more lonely and disconnected.
Supposedly.
I wonder who is being asked? I have a feeling the people being asked are those who spend a lot of time online, attempting to make connections via social media and screens.
Advice given is: join a club, volunteer, go to a Meetup, go to church and you’ll meet people. None of that ever worked for me. What did work in the past was connecting with neighbors, classmates and coworkers.
But today, with online classes, remote work and neighbors who may never step outside, those options are more limited.
Even though I am very much a loner, I have a solution.
Talk to people in real life. Say hello to people you see – especially anyone you see regularly. Introduce yourself. Ask their name and remember it. (I have a note in my phone called neighbors where I immediately add a person’s name and a brief description of them after we meet. That way, I can refer to it until I have their name locked into my memory.)
Eventually, if you want more than a casual connection, you have to man up (or woman up) and ask the person to do something with you. It could be having a drink, going to a movie, visiting a museum, taking a walk — anything, as long as it is in person.
As for me, the casual connections I’ve made since my wife died are sufficient. I have close connections with a few long term friends. I have a jam packed schedule with a life full of rewarding activity. When I feel the need for human interaction, I’ll extend conversations with people I encounter regularly. I’ve yet to have someone not be receptive to a longer conversation.
As for online “friends”, my advice is to push to make a few these connections real. Exchange email addresses, have phone calls, eliminate anonymity.
As for the anonymous masses you run into online, let them go. They are not your friends (nor your enemies). At best, they are penpals. And nobody who’s lonely wants just a penpal.