When I was in love, I wanted to be near my loved one. Whether she was my first love, my long term high school girlfriend or my wife, I wanted to spend time with her and she did with me.
I liked holding her hand. I liked sitting next to her with our legs touching. I liked having my arms around her. I liked eating dinner with her, going to the movies, snuggling on the sofa, sitting side by side watching a softball game, playing miniature golf, feeding the ducks, walking together and talking.
To me, if you love someone, you want to be around them.
Now, as a loner widower, I don’t have this connection with a woman.
But I’m fortunate that I have two dogs who love being with me as much as I love being near them.
They sleep snuggled up against me in bed. In the mornings, our waking routine consists of belly rubs, stretching and wagging tails. After feeding, walking and wrestling each other, they like to jump up onto the sofa on either side of me for massages. They often tag along in the garage when I workout, If they choose to snooze on the sofa, they’ll visit me several times just to say hello.
When I nap, they join me. When I lay out in the sun, they lay next to me. When I return from the pool, they joyously welcome me home.
It’s not the same as being in love with a human, but our connection brings me a lot of joy.
When I was dating, some of the women I dated didn’t seem like they wanted to spend time with me. Scheduling dates sometimes took weeks of effort and coordination only part. When it came to scheduling time with me, it was clear I wasn’t a priority. I get it since we barely knew each other.
And yet, as I look back over my dating past, I wanted to spend time with every woman I ever dated.
If I didn’t, I would not have have dated them.
The reason I bring this up is due to a conversation I had with a friend recently. He is dating someone who he wants to be near all the time. They spend a lot of time together, but live apart and maintain separate lives.
He wants more time together. He wants a live-in partner (aka: wife). She’s not ready for that and may never be.
When he called me to discuss his dilemma, I had no advice to offer him because I have never been involve with someone who didn’t want to spend more time with me. When that happened with my high school girlfriends, we broke up.
I suggested he ask himself this question:
Can he accept the relationship as it is or is he willing to end it and continue searching for someone who wants to be his wife?
That’s not something I, nor anyone else, can answer for him.
I know what my answer would be. But my answer is irrelevant.
