A good friend of mine has fallen in love. He has been searching to find “the one” for most of his adult life. Over the last 5 years, he’s struggled trying to turn bad romantic relationships into long lasting partnerships.
This time it’s been different. He’s worked hard during the past five years to address his own personal demons that drove him to seek relationships with women who could not, or would not, love him back.
I am thrilled for him that he has found what he has sought for so long.
It’s interesting to see what’s changed in his life. He would like his girlfriend to move in with him and has extended an invitation. It hasn’t happened yet, although they do spend many nights together at either of their places.
They have gone on vacation together. They celebrate holidays together. They do projects together. They have date nights. He joins her large family’s Sunday dinners. She accompanied him on an out-of-state trip to meet his father.
He has molded his life around hers. And he loves it.
I remember doing that when I fell in love with my wife when I was 21 years old. I changed everything I did to be with her. New home, new friends, new family, new activities.
Some of the new things I adopted were better than my old way of life. Some, in retrospect, I wish I had not changed (like not maintaining my old friendships). But I gladly changed everything because what I wanted most of all was to be with her – the woman I loved, who became my wife for 29 years.
My friend is my age, he’s not 21. So he’s not giving up all of his old connections. He’s not moving. He’s not only seeing her friends and her family.
Nonetheless, he makes his decisions based on being with her first.
It helps me to see this, because it reinforces for me why I have no interest in falling in love again. I don’t want to change my life. I dread the thought of making compromises, giving up the freedom of choice and the lifestyle I have today.
I loved being in love. I loved having a partner. Ever since my very first love at 15, I loved being in a committed, monogamous relationship.
I can’t imagine it any other way for me – except for not being in a relationship.
Right now, I’m quite satisfied with that. In fact, right now, I can’t imagine being any other way ever again.