There are certain words and phrases that people use when they are conveying a message that means the entire opposite.
A perfect example is the compliment sandwich (aka the shit sandwich). Another case is when someone begins a sentence, “With all due respect…”, before immediately discounting your idea, action or person.
I have added to more to my lexicon. “lovely” and “friends”.
Whenever a women I dated began by saying (or texting) “I had a lovely time” or “You’re a lovely man”, it preceded the “I’m not interested in dating you” message.
If it was delivered in person, it was followed up with “But I’d like to be friends”.
I get it. Every woman I dated was polite. I believe they all had hoped we’d “click” on a date. I’m confident I never said or did anything on our dates that was out of line.
But they were either attracted to each me or not. If not, there are a hundred other guys on the dating apps waiting in their inbox for the next date.
I’m OK with that.
I’m way too proud to beg for a second chance.
I’d prefer they be honest with me, but I get the “soft let down”. It avoid confrontation and it’s literally copied and pasted from the help section of every dating app for how to tell someone you’re not interested.
One woman said to me, “I’m not feeling it Steve.” I was so surprised, I burst out in laughter, because I wasn’t feeling it either and was planning to gently let her down as I walked her to her car after our second date.
But I don’t want to be your friend. Which is fine because, except for The Music Fan, I don’t believe any one of these women wanted to be my friend either.
Nor did I want to be their friend. I have friends.
And it’s lovely.