Most people aren’t assholes, but you might not realize this if you read comments online and on social media.
Online, many people are snide, sarcastic or just plain rude. They over-identify with groups, politicize too much and use the opportunity to knock others down.
I often think, “You would never say that in-person”.
With rare exceptions, in person, most people are kind, thoughtful and courteous.
There’s something about the anonymity of the Internet that turns off people’s “polite filter”.
Of course, some people on the web are trolling. They might be kids, jokers or assholes just messing with others. They might be bots. They might be Russian Hackers or Chinese infiltrators (insert the current consi[arcy theory here). Who knows?
More importantly – who cares?
Most people I interact with in person are friendly, kind and sociable.
Once in a while, I piss off someone in traffic and they give me the finger or start yelling. But even most of these people calm down if I indicate I’m sorry that I cut them off or was absentmindedly tailgating .
I avoid talking politics or religion. If anyone starts spouting tropes or using the vernacular of insults commonly tossed about by politicians and pundits, I shut the conversation down. If someone want to preach to me, I’ll be pleasantly noncommital in an unreceptive way that generally ends the discussion.
I don’t need to engage in a battle to end these diatribes. I disarm them by reacting with something more like a disinterested shrug.
Last week when I was browsing Nextdoor futilely looking for something intereting to entertain me, I came across a thread full about a local sub shop that was closed for a day because of “staffing shortages”.
The commenters quickly piled on. Half of the comments were about the “lazy workers who’d rather sit on their asses and collect pandemic enhanced unemployment”. The other half were about how “people deserve a living wage and benefits”.
Quickly, the comments devlved into personal attacks, political baiting and name calling.
Only one commenter offered a nuanced perspective. He said he supported a living wage idea, but that customers would have to accept paying more for their food if this was implemented.
And then I thought, “Why am I even reading this?”
These commenters are my neighbors. I run into them on the trail. I see them in the grocery store. We smile, say hello and wave to each other even when we don’t know each other.
We help each other. I’ve seen people help elderly who’ve fallen. Others stop to help someone fix a flat. We catch loose dogs. We look out for kids who dart into traffic. We keep an eye out when our neighbors are out of town. We help each other lift a piece of furniture or remove a tree stump.
So why are they such assholes online?
I’m not sure.
But I have a solution. I blocked my access to Nextdoor. I’ll only return there when I need a recommendation for a plumber, electrician or dentist.