I was listening a Rob Henderson interview where he spoke about the American Dream that “you can be anything you want to be, if you work hard enough“. On paper, he embodied this. As a child, he was raised in foster homes. He joined the military at age 17 to escape the life of his peers (drop outs, poverty, drug abuse, violence). After serving 8 years and moving up the ranks, he left the military for college where he graduated with a BS from Yale and a PHD from Cambridge. Today, he’s an author, a writer and professor.
He spoke about how much he did not fit in at Yale with his peers because of his upbringing. In one class, the professor asked how many students were raised in a household with both parents – 95% of the students raised their hands – only Rob and one other student did not.
He knew, that there were significant financial differences between him and his classmates. That was obvious. They attended prep schools and were from Upper Middle / Upper Class families. What he hadn’t realized was that his new classmates spoke a different language, consumed different media, had different values and espoused “luxury beliefs“.
Luxury beliefs are ideas and opinions that confer status on the rich at very little cost, while taking a toll on the lower class… When an affluent person advocates for drug legalization, or defunding the police, or open borders, or loose sexual norms, or white privilege, they are engaging in a status display. They are trying to tell you, “I am a member of the upper class.“
Rob Henderson
In the interview he spoke about feeling more at ease around lower class people who speak bluntly, openly and honestly without disguising their thoughts and motivations with “luxury belief speak”.
I get it.
As someone who grew up poor, I share this viewpoint. My wife, on the other hand, was raised in an upper middle class family. She helped me learn how to fit in and adapt to a lifestyle which I had never been exposed to before. As I moved up the career ladder, I was able to “pass” along my peers, regardless of how I felt inside.
Without her guidance, I’d have made many more faux paus in business/social situations. And believe me, even with her influence, I made plenty. Because, as Henderson wrote, you cannot jump social classes in a single generation. You might make enough money to do so. But your background, education, culture and upbringing all form a part of you that doesn’t quite fit in.
Today, I live in a Middle to Upper Middle Class suburban neighborhood. My neighbors live in big fancy homes and own luxury cars. They send their kids to private schools, pay for college tuition and buy them luxury automobiles. I love my neighborhood. It’s quiet, clean, and safe. We have greenways and parks nearby. There is almost no crime.
My neighbors are polite. Some are my friends. Others are casual acquaintances. I dislike none of them – except for the person who doesn’t pickup their dog poop and every kid who rides a bike or scooter when I’m walking with Wiggles.
So, on one hand, I feel like I have found home. I have no plans to leave here.
On the other hand, the people I connect with most closely are the blue collar workers I occasionally interact with at home, at the pool and when I’m out and about.
It’s the same as when I worked in Corporate America. Although I was successful presenting, selling and managing people who were part of the “elite class”, I preferred to be on the shop floor, in the factory or back in the server room with the people who got their hands dirty. We always had more interesting conversations and I learned more with them.