Ms. Pat was a guest on a comedy podcast that I listened to this week. She is a 50 year-old, African American woman who had 2 babies when she was a teenager, dropped out of high school, sold drugs and went to jail for a year, adopted 4 kids from a relative who abandoned them, and eventually became a stand up comedian. She’s been married for 30 years spending much of her life in Indiana and Atlanta.
The host of the podcast is a 37 year-old man who grew up in a wealthy enclave in the Boston suburb within an upper-middle class Jewish family, graduated from college and lives as an upper middle class bachelor in NYC. I listen to his podcast regularly. He makes me laugh a lot as he offers dating advice – mainly to Millennials and GenZ listeners – who write in with their dating and relationship questions.
The host reads dating questions from listeners and then he and the guest will riff, relate their own experience and offer advice. The comedic interplay between the host and guest is the the best part of show.
This time was different. The host couldn’t handle Ms. Pat.
Usually he and his guests provide kind of squishy, touchy feely dating advice. They are careful not be offensive, aggressive or critical. They are careful to use “proper pronouns”, inoffensive language and speak in an overly sympathetic, non-confrontational manner.
I have a feeling that most of his guests are like him – college educated millennials who grew up in somewhat cushy circumstances.
Ms. Pat ain’t that.
She brought a touch of reality and wisdom to the show.
- One woman was upset that her boyfriend never initiated date plans. She was questioning if he was “the one” to marry because she didn’t like to always be the one making plans. Ms. Pat told her to grow up. She said if the woman was going to marry the guy and everything else was good, then plan the damn dates herself and quit acting like a spoiled child.
- Another listener wrote in about her sister-in-law who always made scene at family holiday gatherings because she was drunk, abusive and violent. The woman complained that her in-laws just accepted this as “the way she is”. The woman went on to write about dysfunctional families, mental illness, having sympathy for the in laws, etc. Ms. Pat said, “This woman is a drunk who head butts and punches others when she’s f***ed up and her family lets her do this. You need to tell your in-laws that you aren’t coming to any holiday if the sister-in-law will be there because she is out of control. Period.“
- A third listener was a man who had dated someone for 2 months. Things were going well until his girlfriend moved to another city for work. He broke up with her but wondered “Am I making a mistake?” Ms. Pat told him to either find someone who lived in his city or keep dating and deal with the distance. She basically said, “If you really want to have a relationship with this woman, then you will make it work. Quit second guessing yourself and make a decision one way or the other.”
I don’t think the host will have Ms. Pat as a return guest. Her common sense, no nonsense advice was so blunt, unapologetic and “not soft” that she made him sound like an inexperienced frat bro. It was awkward to hear him try to recover and reestablish himself as “the dating expert“.
He was out of his league.
I have heard Ms. Pat on other podcasts before. Although my life wasn’t as hard as hers had been, I can relate to her. We have a similar, no nonsense way of looking at life. We’re both a little rough around around the edges.
I think it’s because we had to overcome a number of challenges in our lives. We’ve also had several decades to experience the ups and downs of marriage, kids, work and society.
That said, she rarely makes me laugh. She makes me think instead.