In “How the Grinch Stole Christmas“, there’s a defining moment when the Grinch hears the Whos in Whoville joyfully singing on Christmas morning, despite the fact that he’d stolen all their presents. This causes the Grinch’s tiny shrunken heart to grow 3 times in size and nearly explode as he’s filled with love. With his newly expanded heart, he returns the presents to Whoville and joins them for a Christmas feast. It transformed him.
Last week, while walking Wiggles past a life-size Grinch decoration in a yard, I suddenly realized I had been having a Grinch-like transformation of my own.
Unlike the Grinch, my heart did not start out being small. I’ve had much love in my life. But after my wife died three years ago, I was crushed with grief and sadness. To protect myself from more pain, I withdrew emotionally. Physically, it felt as if I was holding in my breath. I curled inward upon myself. My heart contracted.
I dropped out of touch with casual friends and acquaintances. I had no interest in dating anyone or making new friends. I avoided social outings (especially with other families or couples) because it was too painful.
On the outside, I was congenial and polite. But on the inside, I wasn’t going to let anyone get close to me. More importantly, I wasn’t going to care deeply for anyone. With nobody to care for, I would be impervious to pain.
Then when Covid shut society down. I thought,
“I’m the perfect person for social isolation. I’m made for this. I have nobody I need to worry about or care for. I’m responsible only for me and my dogs. And I don’t care if I live or die. I’m fearless.”
In time, I moved beyond grieving and rebuilt my life as a single man. As I’ve written many times, I have a comfortable, satisfying and quiet life. I figured this was as good as it would get for me.
Then I met her and we had a date/not-date.
Leading up to our first date and during the next few weeks as we became friends (and what I hoped would be more), something unexpected happened to me.
I was excited. I was filled with joy, curiosity, anticipation, fascination, mystery and wonder. I could feel my chest unfold and expand. I was looking forward to life. I was thinking about the future. I was smitten.
Even more, I not only allowed to myself care about her – it felt great to care about her.
Like the Grinch, my heart expanded to 3 times its size.
I hadn’t even realized how much it had shrunk.
So to MGLN, despite the fact that we remain only friends and not more, I will always be grateful to you. You reawakened something inside of me that I thought was gone forever.
(And, I hope you change your mind someday, while we’re both still single.)
So to complete my tortuous Grinch metaphor, all I need now is to find a Who to join me.
If someday that Who is MGLN, that would be fantastic. But if it’s someone else, I have a feeling that will be fantastic too.