A old friend of more than 30 years called me the other day. He’s having what I’ll call “relationship issues” with his girlfriend.
They are fairly serious issues that are causing him duress.
I could offer him no advice. I don’t have experience dealing with the specific kind of issues he’s having. I’ve never been in a relationship that’s similar to his.
But I feel bad for my friend. I wish he wasn’t going through this.
So I did what I could. I listened to him. I asked questioned. I told him I was sorry this was happening.
I thought about my friend over the next few days. He wanted to be in a relationship so much, that he made choices (compromises?) I would not have made. As a result, he’s had much turmoil and chaos in his life in recent years.
As badly as I feel for him, I’m also relieved that I’m not in his position. Nor will I ever be. Because I won’t get into a relationship with someone who has as many issues as his partner has.
How do I know this?
Because I broke off two relationships already when I realized we had divergent values and expectations. I didn’t want to end these relationships. I wanted them to be successful. But what I wanted and what my partners wanted were worlds apart.
All my wishes wouldn’t brings those worlds together.
Today, I am happy, centered and quite content. I’m alone and it is good.
My friend on the other hand, is grimly marking time as his life becomes more complicated and out of control. He’s not alone because he’s decided to accept the chaos that accompanies his relationship.
I won’t judge him. I spent decades in a marriage that was full of love but was also frequently chaotic due to issues with my wife’s ex-husband and their children.
I intentionally committed to be with her “’til death we part”. And I was.
I may never do that again. Then again, I might.