On the drive home after learning the doctor suspected my wife had lung cancer, I asked my wife if there was anything she wanted to do, while she was able to, before doing more testing or treatments.
“Like what?” she asked.
I mentioned returning to Portugal or France (where she had vacationed long before I knew her), going on a beach vacation, or anything else she wanted to do while she was able to.
She laughed and said, “Oh you mean like a bucket list?“
I replied, “Yeah…I guess. Something like that.“
She said, “I don’t have bucket list. There’s nothing I need to do or feel compelled to do before I die. My life has been complete. I just want to be with you and Zack.”
I must admit, I was somewhat relieved.
The thought of coordinating a last minute international trip while worrying about lung cancer treatment waiting on the other side wasn’t something I looked forward to. But I would have made it happen if she had wanted to.
But even more than that, I was relieved that she felt she had lived a complete and fulfilled life. She had spent the past 3 decades with me. Our life together had been far from perfect, but I did everything I could to make her happy. Although I’m certain I disappointed her at times, I believed what she said. It has comforted me ever since.
I was thinking about bucket lists after this week’s solo podcast where they discussed several hypothetical bucket list questions:
- Where would you go if you could travel anywhere in the world with no budget?
- What home improvement would you make if you were given $10,000?
- If you could attend any concert live, what would it be?
- If you could dine out anywhere, where would you go and what would you eat?
As a loner and introvert who would rather move somewhere than travel there, none of these things are very appealing to me. (Except for the home improvement – I’d replace my heavy sliding glass doors with French doors, which I plan to do someday.)
Otherwise, none of these would even make my bucket list, not only because of my personal preferences, but because I don’t have a bucket list.
As a child, I had a lot of dreams, fantasies and aspirations. But the older I got, the more I realized that the only ones that would come true were ones that I made happen. I couldn’t count on my parents, wishing or praying. Those never worked for me.
Many of my dreams did come true. I fell in love with a beautiful woman and had a great marriage. I had a rewarding career. I moved from bleak, cold Pittsburgh to sunny Florida – twice! I had a loving family. I owned a car and a house. I was no longer poor.
My life wasn’t picture perfect, but it was good enough.
It still is today.
Occasionally, I think about doing something big someday:
- Traveling to Europe for a long extended trip.
- Launching/joining a business and making a lot of money.
- Hiking the Appalachian trail.
- Opening up a dog rescue.
But the truth is, my life is complete without these things. I’ll likely never do them. And that’s perfectly OK.