On a recent Solo podcast, the host said he has reached point in his life where he is “done auditioning”. As a professor, published author and lifelong bachelor, he’s spent much of his life striving to meet his goals and “proving himself to others.” He’s now middle aged and in a point in his life where he’s considering semi-retirement and what he wants to do with the next phase of his life.
I can relate.
Throughout my life, I was a hard charging, goal oriented go-getter. Raised by a single mom in a chaotic environment with little money or support, I had to “prove myself” constantly. Then, in my tech sales career, I placed myself in a position where I was only as good as my most recent quarter.
After my wife died, I lost all enthusiasm for working the way I once had. Caring for her while she battled lung cancer and then grieving her death had taken a toll on me.
Once I no longer had the financial pressure of maintaining our lifestyle, I lost all incentive for being a hard-charging, go-getter sales pro.
That was 6 years ago.
I still set goals. I still am high energy. But I no longer chase career success, money or security.
I stop to smell the roses and enjoy life more now.
And I don’t audition anymore. I have nothing to prove to anyone.
When I was dating in 2022 was the last time I “auditioned”. I worked on my online app profiles. I updated my wardrobe. I did my best to charm the women I met. I tried to present the most attractive version of myself, while still being true to myself.
One woman, whom I really liked told me (in a sweet way) that I “wore my heart on my sleeve” and was “kind of cheesy”. I liked her a lot and made no attempt to conceal this. She, who had much more dating experience than me, was more reserved and was not interested in an exclusive relationship with me so I broke things off. As much as I wanted to be able to enjoy a casual fling, that’s just not who I am.
I dated a few other women after her before realizing that the only thing in my life that made me unhappy was dating. I hated the auditioning, so I quit.
I have more fulfilling ways to invest my time, energy and love. And I have nothing left to prove.