Given my lack of sustainable dating success, being non-monogamous should be the least of my concerns. Since my wife died in 2018, I have been as monogamous as one can be.
I fully expected that once I began dating I would meet someone and have a committed, monogamous relationship with her. I was wrong.
Now I’ve begun to rethink this.
I don’t want or need to marry again. I’ve been married. I raised 2 step kids. I had the privilege of being a husband and having a wife.
Now I’m enjoying being free. Free from worrying about taking care of a family. Free from schedules, timelines and compromises. Free from worry about the future. Free to pursue my interests.
I’d still like sex with someone I trust. I miss that.
I’d like to spend time hanging out and relaxing with a woman I can enjoy ease and comfort with.
I don’t really want to share my bed. Or my home. Or all of my time.
I don’t want to explain why I wake up at 4 AM and go to bed whenever I am tired.
I don’t want to eat breakfast or brunch – ever.
I don’t want to travel. I don’t want to go to concerts. I don’t drink and don’t eat anything but meat (currently).
So I’m starting to think not only don’t I want marriage – I don’t even want a girlfriend.
Which brings me to non-monogamous relationships.
I’ve never considered these before. It’s simply not my way. I’ve always considered myself a “one woman” type of guy.
Well, maybe I’m not anymore.
Maybe it’s the to explore ethical non monogamy, polyamory, friends with benefits and casual dating. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with any of this, as long as all parties are honest, open and willing.
I’ve done some reading and listening listening to podcasts about these relationships. It seems that communication and agreed upon practices are key. These also free the participants from putting all of their hopes, dreams, desires and needs on one single person. They say doing this places an unachievable expectation and burden on one person.
Based on my 29 year marriage, I have to agree. My wife was a great partner to me and vice versa. But we became too dependent on each other to the detriment of relationships with others. We missed out by becoming too insular.
As for sexual non monogamy, I still have a hard time envisioning it for me. Perhaps that’s because I’ve never had the opportunity to try it.
Maybe that will change someday.