Dating has been a challenge, to put it mildly.
What I am seeking – a committed relationship, love, romance, companionship and spending time together – does not align with the priorities of the women I’ve been dating.
An occasional text every few days and a date once a week are nice, but not enough. Casually dating multiple women is not my thing.
So it’s kind of driving me nuts.
Sometimes I question myself:
- Did I say or do something wrong?
- Does she even like me?
- Am I just one of many guys for her?
- Is this part of the “building trust” process or am I being passively dismissed ?
- Am I cut out for this?
My friends tell me that I need to be patient. They say things like , “don’t put any pressure on her to see you” and “don’t text her too often” and “give her space”.
Although my friends all have more recent dating experience than me, I’m the only one of us who had several long, successful committed relationships – including my long marriage. But my relationships all began with women I had known from school or work. I never dated strangers until this year.
And clearly, having a long, successful marriage didn’t prepare me for meeting new women and dating again.
So I realized (again) today that I need to focus my attention on things I enjoy. My days are filled with intense workouts, swimming, dog walks, drumming, drawing and writing. I love these activities. They bring me great satisfaction.
I really enjoy having the social contact that dating has brought. So I’ll continue dating but will also start going out on my own. I want more social contact than dating has provided. I’m not afraid go to movies, museums, galleries, concerts, restaurants, coffee shops and parks by myself. I like my own company and can connect with the people I meet out there in real life.
As for dating, I’ll try to curb my fantasies about “what if’s” and the “future possibilities” with my early dates. I might feel these things in my heart, but it makes me miserable when I allow them to preoccupy my mind. There is too much uncertainty, wishing, and too many disappointments when I don’t get a text reply, a phone call or that hoped-for next date.
A mentor used to say, “focus on what you can control”. That was great advice for business. As it turns out, it is also great advice for life.