At some point during the 2 years the I was grieving my wife, I really thought I would find a connection with other widowed men. I perused blogs, podcasts, forums and online groups. I checked out meetups and support groups. I dug into reddit and other grief support forums.
I randomly met some widows:
- My 83 year old girlfriend and my 86 year old girlfriend who both live on my street.
- My late middle aged absentee neighbor who lived across the street.
- A woman from the Welcome Wagon who baked me a cake.
I learned that the old man a few doors up from me was a widower from my old hometown.
But among all of these people, as well as those I came across online, I never found a connection.
The men who wrote blogs and books were either much younger than me or much older than me. They had families with either young children or adult children and grandkids. All of them remarried within a few years.
We shared some similarities in grieving, but not too many in life.
One of the reasons I write so openly about my grief process, my reminiscences and my life as a single, widowed man is for other widowed men who are searching for someone like them online.
I don’t expect we will connect with each other. But I hope that my experiences might help them realize they are not the only one like them.
As for me making connections, I’ve made others that are perhaps more rewarding which are based on my life today.
- I’m part of the early morning daily swimming crew of oldsters. I know my fellow swimmers, the guards and the pool managers.
- I know the walkers and runners in the park.
- I see the porch sitters each evening when Wiggles and I do our final neighborhood walk through.
- I know almost every one of the neighbors on my block, and recognize many others from the surrounding blocks.
- I know the vet techs and the grocery store clerks.
I still miss talking to my wife. I often think of things I would talk to her about that nobody else would possibly be interested in discussing. Things like:
- A distant relative we used to see at holiday dinners is now a successful podcaster living in NYC.
- My wife’s old boss who was a rising superstar in the Pharma industry- I can’t remember her name. What is she doing now?
- Our old dog Shortie and something that triggered a memory of him.
I’m making new, shared memories with the people who are in my life today. It’s good – but it’s not the same.