A friend I respect is trying to build a business that requires media promotion, building a community, creating a movement, publishing and PR. I’ve been wracking my brain on how I can help him.
It gives me a stomach ache just thinking about it. I have strengths and expertise but they are not relevant to that world. I can’t help him.
Another friend is trying to mold his on-again-off-again girlfriend into his ideal partner. I can’t help him either. He’s convinced that if he only gets her to understand him enough that she will change and their relationship will blossom.
I’ve got a lot of thoughts and opinions about this. But expressing them to him is futile. He has to find his own way.
Besides, what do I know about dating and building a new relationship when you’re my age? Almost nothing.
I feel agitated and upset about being so useless in helping with my friends’ issues.
Then I realize – I don’t have to solve these problems. They are not mine to solve. If anything I’d be depriving my friends of the opportunity, growth, satisfaction, pride and accomplishment they’ll get from solving their own problems.
I’ll help in my own little way: Being an advocate. Listening. Offering suggestions on the occasion that I have relevant experience.
I am a problem solver. I enjoy figuring things out. I like to take charge and make decisions. I like being active and responsible.
Every once in a while, I just need to remind myself to take and step and ask “Are these my problems to solve?”