TV and movies distort reality for me because they are filled with professionally good looking people. When I was a kid, I distinctly remember neighbors who were in their 50s. They looked old. Men had gray hair or were balding. Women looked frumpy, with gray hair or bad red dye jobs. Both sexes sported wrinkles, sun spots, saggy skin and often dentures.
Now, even though I’m 55, in my head I expect to look like I’m 35. And, I expect other people my age to look like they are in their 30s too.
We don’t.
Even those in the best health who take of themselves and have great genes probably at best look 5-7 years younger than their age. So maybe, because II’m fit, don’t smoke or drink and avoided the sun most of my life, I might pass for 50. And the most attractive women my age at the pool, who are also exercise fanatics in fantastic shape, will never look like they are 35 again.
That is reality. There is nothing wrong with it.
I suspect this is another reason why I’ve lost interest in dating. When I was dating, I met some women my age who were physically attractive to me – but we didn’t “click”. I saw plenty of women younger than me on the apps who were attractive, but they weren’t interested in me, an over 50 guy who looks his age.
I’m really glad to have grown up when I did – before social media, filters, and photoshop creating unrealistic expectations of beauty. Back when I was in my dating years, I had high expectations for someone’s intellect and character, but was also open to being attracted to women of all types. Nobody was “flawless” and none of us expected that. I met women in person. I was either attracted to them from the beginning or I became attracted to them over time as got to know them.
Sometimes, what initially seemed unattractive to me came irrelevant or even endearing once I got to know someone better. Other times, despite someone being “super hot”, I quickly learned we didn’t connect on a personality level.
Now that I’m writing this, I guess that hasn’t changed for me at all.
But I had my one great love, and a few others before her. And I’m much older now. And I look it. So do my “potential” dates. And it seems, that none of us are that interested.