I read and participate in a couple of online forums. Usually, I’ll do this when I am focusing on a particular project or area of my life where I need to learn. In time, when I’m immersed in the subject, this becomes entertainment. Eventually, I’ll reach a point of competancy (or boredom with the subject) and I’ll move on.
In the past, I did this with functional fitness, minimalism, frugality, early retirement, living on the road, drums, blogging, sales, lung cancer, dating, etc.
Currently, I’m active in the Solo Community here.
Although I’ve been living solo for 3.5 years now, I still have much to learn. After all, for most of my adult life, I was married.
The Solo podcast, philosophy, and community has exposed me to many different perspectives that I find though provoking.
It’s also refreshing to connect with others who are living a solo life. As much as I love the life I have, it’s still nice to know I’m not the only one who enjoys being solo. We definitely don’t fit neatly into society’s conventional norms.
With most online forums, there are usually a lot of beginners who are trying to grasp the basics. Once they understand the basics, these users often become online mentors to the next crop of beginners.
In time, certain “old timers” will stand out to me. The way they communicate, their comprehension, their experience , their wisdom – something attracts me to pay attention to their posts.
For me, this makes for a great forum experience.
The other thing I notice on forums is there are some members who are seeking comfort, sympathy, therapy or a place to whine.
Most forum members are quick to respond to these people with sympathy/empathy, kindness and “love” (if you want to consider an anonymous posting on a forum an expression of love).
I usually won’t respond at all to these posts unless I have direct experience with their issue and have construction advice on actions that I took to address it for myself.
Notice that these people who I described in bold above, aren’t looking for actionable advice. They’re stuck. Just like people I know in real life who are stuck.
We’ve all been there at some point. I’m no exception. I’m fortunate that I have an innate bias for action.
Sometimes this leads me to make rash decisions. Most times, it compels me to make a decision, take action and deal with the consequences.
When I started writing this post, I was planning to wrap it up with a “get your sh!t” together and take action message. That’s my philosophy and I have little tolerance for whiny crybabies.
That was my plan. Then I remembered:
When I blogged about my wife’s lung cancer, her suffering, her death, my road trip, and the overwhelming grief, more than a few people I “knew” online reached out to offer me words of comfort, condolence and support.
These were lifelines for me during dark times. Sometimes just a few kind words sent in a comment was enough to keep me slipping slipping into the abyss of despair. Sometimes a stranger saying, “you’re doing the best you can and it still sucks” meant something much more than words.
So when someone I “know” is hurting, I still try to do this.
Maybe I should try do it more.
Update a day later-
I revisited the group where I had read multiple posts from someone who was clearly struggling. I was thinking perhaps I should offer words of encouragement and relate my own experience/advice.
But – I already did! I responded to her initial posting a few weeks ago relating my experience and how I dealt with my angst over a similar situation.
I saw that several other members also offered their support, experience and the actions they took. I also read through a number of complaints from the original poster along the same lines – before and after people responded. This has been going on for a few weeks.
I decided not to respond a second time. She has seen my advice (as well as the other’s) and she has received many words of encouragement. Now it is up to her to take action – or not.
It’s not my place to nag anyone to take action – online or in the real world.