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How Can She Be Gone?

Posted on May 5, 2019September 4, 2021 by Steve Ainslie

It’s been four months and twenty two days since my wife died. That final day, I made a conscious decision to not go to the hospital. I had been by her side everyday for last 9 months witnessing her suffering, her pain and her steady decline. Her final 2 months had been horrific for her,…

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Finding My People

Posted on May 3, 2019September 4, 2021 by Steve Ainslie

I am camping with a group of 10 others who are full-time vehicle dwellers. This group was  formed to introduce newcomers to life on the road.  The concept is that a few experienced people make themselves available to offer advice, tips and suggestions. The newcomers get a chance to meet others like them, learn the…

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Fearless

Posted on April 30, 2019October 18, 2021 by Steve Ainslie

I was fearless until I was 6 years old. Life was great. I had a wonderful family. We had a house with a backyard and a dog. School was fun. Playtime was more fun. Summers were fantastic. I had lots of friends. I walked to the store, the park and my friends houses by myself. …

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A Real Ghost Town

Posted on April 28, 2019September 4, 2021 by Steve Ainslie

Yesterday, I visited Tombstone Arizona  to get some Mexican food, dump my trash and refill my water.  The town of Tombstone is tiny. It’s main street, Freemont, runs about 1 mile through the center of town.  There were many FOR SALE signs and empty storefronts on Freemont. I saw at least 3 historical museums and…

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No Pictures In My Camper

Posted on April 28, 2019September 4, 2021 by Steve Ainslie

I haven’t hung any pictures of Ellen in my camper yet. I have my favorites with me in a box. The pictures I have of her remind me of better days. I won’t hang any until I can look at one and not start crying. That may never happen.  

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I See No People

Posted on April 26, 2019September 4, 2021 by Steve Ainslie

I’ve been alone for two weeks.  The first week, I “camped” in parking lots and rest areas surrounded by truckers and other travelers but not interacting with them.  The second week, I camped in National Forests and BLM land. Other than waving to a few drivers passing by and talking to cashiers when buying supplies…

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Nothing To Buy

Posted on April 26, 2019September 4, 2021 by Steve Ainslie

When I am the least bit inconvenienced my first thought is “What do I need to buy to make this better?” For example, my first night in New Mexico, the temperature dropped to 35 degrees inside my camper. After shivering uncomfortably all night, I thought, “I need to buy a portable heater”.  I tried to…

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Control Freak

Posted on April 26, 2019September 4, 2021 by Steve Ainslie

My entire life has been about control.  In school, I was determined to get straight As and be recognized as the smartest kid. I complied with the system, studied and worked hard to do this.  At work, I sought autonomy, money  and authority. I followed the rules, used my brains and worked hard to obtain…

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Dirt Man

Posted on April 22, 2019September 4, 2021 by Steve Ainslie

When I was a kid I loved playing in the dirt. My friend had a dirt yard under his side porch where we built a hideout, played with trucks, shot toy guns and hung out all summer long. I’d go home with dirt in the creases of my elbows, dirt on my knees, dirt under…

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One Bowl, One Plate, One Fork

Posted on April 21, 2019September 4, 2021 by Steve Ainslie

When I asked my friend Craig, the experienced outdoorsman, for his advice on what to pack for my kitchen he said,  “One bowl, one plate, one fork, one spoon, one mug, one sharp knife, one pot to boil water, a spatula, a can opener and a frying pan. It should all fit in one small…

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