On my wife’s birthday this year she got a dozen roses, a bunch of cards and a gift certificate for an expensive dinner out. Then she got hospice. Happy F***ing Birthday. But what seemed like a tragic coincidence turned out to be a godsend. The week before her birthday, my wife had suffered day after…
The Right Answer Isn’t Always The Perfect Answer
Last night I failed my wife, once again. When we finally decided to stop all treatment for my wife’s lung cancer and called hospice, I promised that I would take care of her at home so she would spend her remaining days surrounded by her family and pets in the home she loved. I said, “There’s…
Immigration Breakdown
Lately I hear a lot of fear and anger from people who are concerned about immigrants coming to the US. They’ll take our jobs. They’re criminals. They’re freeloaders looking for a handout. They’ll destroy our way of life. My experience with immigrants has been the complete opposite.
Singleness of purpose
When I need to accomplish something difficult, I have to narrow my focus to my single most important goal. Past goals have included: Graduate high school as valedictorian Pay off my debt Relocate Help my wife battle a health issue Start a new job Hit the quarterly sales number Lose weight Here’s how I do…
My wife. My partner. My patient.
I fell hard in love with my wife 29 years ago and never fell out. Over the years, our love deepened. We became a team that could handle anything as long as we had each other. We weathered some storms: Giving up custody of Zack to his father when he was 13 Losing our daughter…
Waiting
Ever since my wife was diagnosed with lung cancer, our lives have been filled with waiting. Waiting for the next doctor’s appointment to order the next step. Waiting for the next scan to be scheduled. Waiting for the test results. Waiting for treatment to begin. Waiting to see improvements. Waiting for her pain to get…
Bullfrog
When I was a lifeguard in a poor neighborhood one of my regulars was a kid named Jeremiah. Jeremiah was around 12 years old. He’d swim at my pool every single day. When he wasn’t swimming, he’d hang out in the adjacent playground. As I got to know him, I really liked him. Like me, he…
My Wife Is Dying
My wife was diagnosed with lung cancer 7 months ago. It’s been pretty terrible ever since. She had surgery to remove the lower lobe of her lung including a large tumor. She had two sessions of chemotherapy. She had 10 days in a row of radiation. She had 5 months of worsening back pain as…
Consumed By Death
Lately, death has consumed my every waking moment. My days are filled with my wife’s doctor visits, tests and treatments. I’m either driving her there, waiting for the appointment or fighting to schedule the next one. If we’re not at the hospital, then I’m home trying to take care of my wife’s needs, do all…
Why I Don’t Drink
The first time I got drunk I was 15 years old. I had tagged along with my sister to a college party. It was a blast. I drank as much as possible, as fast as possible, to get as drunk as possible. I was silly. I fit in with the college kids. I had fun….