Two years ago I wrote about limiting contact with a friend who had become intolerably self-centered. Since then, we’ve fallen into a cadence of a weekly catch up call. After a call last week, I realized, with some chagrin, that once again we spent an entire hour on the phone and never spoke once about…
Anticlimactic Anniversary
I forgot my wedding anniversary again this year just like I did during many of the 19 years I was “officially” married – despite the fact that my mom gave me a wedding gift of a bronze platter with the date embossed on it to remind me. One reason why this date was unimportant to…
I Know When You’re Not Sleeping
Nothing good happens at 2 in the morning. That’s when I’m out most mornings with Wiggles doing our first walk of the day. We both enjoy it. It’s dark. It’s quiet. We have the entire street and both sidewalks to explore. We see families of deer, dozens of bunnies, bats, and occasional owls. There are…
Phonus Interruptus
Back in the old days, before voicemail, answering machines, portable phones and Caller ID, my wife would go crazy when the phone rang. She’d drop whatever she was doing, stop a conversation mid-sentence and dive across the room to answer it. I found that annoying beyond belief. I was insulted that she’d interrupt a conversation…
My Roaring 20s
I have only vague memories of life during my 20s after I moved in with my future wife and her kids. I remember being stressed and busy all the time. I remember working a lot and struggling to pay the bills. I remember our lives being dominated by kids – getting them up for school,…
The Wrong Fit
I was thinking about the women I’ve loved this morning when it occurred to me that only two of them were good matches for me – my first girlfriend and my last girlfriend (who became my wife). In between, I had several girlfriends, many crushes and dated dozens of others. In addition, as a widower,…
Esther Perel On Grief
It Is fittingly ironic that just a few weeks after I wrote this post about not being able to relate to any grief support books, websites or podcasts, that I listened to the most helpful discussion on grief I have heard since my wife died nearly 5 years ago. The irony is in both the…
A Homeless Dilemma
Yesterday, I met with a friend in downtown Raleigh for lunch. I hadn’t been downtown (or beyond the borders of my suburban enclave) for months. Driving through the commercial districts and then visiting the city center always have an impact on me. This time, it was the homeless people. At major intersections on the way…
Legally Bound
When I married my wife (and for the 10 years prior that we lived as a couple before I could convince her to marry me) I was 100% committed to being with her until “death do we part”. I adored her and cherished our relationship. After our first few months together, the thought of breaking…
A Bowl Of Love
When I had to travel out of town for work, I tried to manage my schedule so that could maximize my productivity while minimizing my time away from home. Since I hated flying, I did my best to choose nonstop, direct flights that had me arrive and leave at the most reasonable times. On paper,…