ainslies.org

I don’t believe in god, an afterlife or reincarnation. I can understand why people do. I can understand why people want to believe. I can even understand why leaders and society encourage these beliefs. But the lack of evidence and the historical roots of these mythologies is enough to convince me otherwise. Yet still, it…

I have been drifting for a while. Me – drifting? I’m not the man I used to be when my wife was alive. That’s clear. My life and mindset are so different they would be unfathomable to the old me. I set small goals each day. Things like clean the house, do the laundry, swim…

I think about death every day. I used to not think about it as often, but after my wife’s lung cancer has metastasized to stage 4 and all treatments were failing, thinking daily about death has become a part of me. I think about my wife’s death. I think about Snickers’ death. I think about…

I injured my knee a few days ago. I felt a “tweak” in the back crease that reminded me of when I popped something in it last year that took me out for an entire week of pain followed by a month recovery. Ever since last year, I’ve ben careful to not push so deep…

I have more conversations with people in my dreams than I do in real life. These conversations span everything from philosophical discussions to the routine mundanities of everyday life to deeply personal discussions. Often when going about my day, I’ll remember pieces of a conversation and have to think, “Was that a conversation I had…

When I migrated my blog to a new host a few months ago, I added a CONTACT page back to my site. I had removed this from my site earlier in the year because the only people who used it either contacted me to say something critical (two in 4 years) or to SPAM me….

Sometimes when I read a text, an online post, a drift message, or an email, I am appalled by the writer’s spelling and grammar. Most of the time, I chalk it up to autocorrect and multi-tasking. Besides I can usually figure out what they meant to say. Except for those times, when I cannot. It…

The current trend among media personalities, government officials and internet stars is to proclaim their “anti-establishment” principles and how they remain committed to authenticity and truth. Yeah. Not quite. What I have noticed is that over half of these wannabe rebels came from the establishment that they now criticize at any opportunity. People like Megyn…

The daughter of a friend just completed her first year of college and is in danger of losing her scholarship. She apparently missed her GPA requirements two semesters in a row so she is now on academic probation. If she loses her scholarship, her tuition will increase significantly. After my second year of college, I…

Last night Ellen visited me in my dreams and I told her about having to let Snickers go. I somehow knew that Ellen was there with me, yet I knew she was dead too. I asked her if I could hold her in my arms and she said yes. I held her while I cried…