Back in the old days, before voicemail, answering machines, portable phones and Caller ID, my wife would go crazy when the phone rang. She’d drop whatever she was doing, stop a conversation mid-sentence and dive across the room to answer it.
I found that annoying beyond belief. I was insulted that she’d interrupt a conversation with me, a meal dinner, or snuggling on the couch, to answer a random phone call! What made it more maddening was 9 times out of 10 it was her best friend Jane – who she spoke to on the phone at least 5 times a day!
I, on the other hand, would let the phone go unanswered – especially if I was in a conversation or doing something with another person in real life. My only exception was if I was expecting a specific call from our kids needing to be picked up, my wife at the store or a repairman scheduling an appointment.
After we got a voicemail machine (and later digital voicemail and Caller ID), I stopped answering the phone altogether. It would piss my wife off but we agreed to disagree on this – I wouldn’t get angry about her phone answering mania and she wouldn’t hassle me when I let it go to voicemail.
Once, she was out of town for a week to help a family member recover from surgery. I turned the phone off for the entire week except for an hour each evening when I was expecting her call. It was blissful.
So, it’s no surprise that now when I live alone and have nobody who relies on me for anything, I rarely answer my phone. My ringer is set to silent. My notifications are all muted.
When I want to talk to someone, I call them. On the rare occasions when I am waiting for a call, I turn my ringer on.
Otherwise, I am in charge of my time, attention and phone usage.
It still surprises me that other people I know answer their phone anytime it rings. When I’m making my regular afternoon check-in call to my mother, she’ll occasionally answer with a weird voice that is noticeably unnatural. She’ll say hello and then say, “I’m sitting here with so and so” or “I’m out to dinner with my friend.” To which I’ll reply, “Ok, I’ll talk to you some other time,” while thinking to myself Why did you bother to answer the phone?
Another friend whom I speak to regularly does the same thing. He’ll answer my call and immediately tell me he can’t talk because he’s busy doing something. Well…then why did you answer?
It just seems silly to me. We all have cell phones, text, call logs and voice mail. Nobody is ever going to miss a call and not be able to figure out who was calling.
On the other hand, I have another friend who never answers his phone. He also never checks voicemail. In fact, he never even set it up on his phone.
He calls back when he has time if he misses my call. It might take a day or two.
More often, we just text each other to setup a time for a real conversation which is usually in person.
That, I can understand.