I not a big fan of Mel Robbins but nonetheless found myself listening her podcast on making friends as an adult yesterday. I was pleasantly surprised that I enjoyed the episode. Mel said that friendships are reliant on 3 things:
- Proximity – You have to be near the person on a regular basis.
- Timing – Your life stages need to be similar. Eg. school aged, young single adult, married w/your kids, etc.
- Energy – A poor word choice in my opinion. What she means here is a mutual vibe, connection or interest in each other.
Robbins goes onto explain how friendships wax and wane due to changes in any of the three components above. When any of these are missing, the friendship could fade away. She says that’s normal and common.
The rest of her podcast goes into details, examples and anecdotes of friendship dynamics, tips and personal stories.
As I listened, I thought, the 3 components are required for romantic relationships too.
For me, the proximity component stands out above the rest.
Since I switched schools, relocated and changed jobs many times, I’ve had many friendships fade away because of a loss of proximity. I used think of those relationships as “school friends” or “work friends” or “neighbor friends”.
The few friendships that lasted when I moved away changed. While these friendships are long lasting, they are not the same as they were when we saw each other in person regularly. How could they be?
It made me think about how many great relationships I had in my life that were due to convenience and proximity – from extended family to neighbors to classmates to girlfriends to coworkers to my wife.
I’m alone a lot now – more than I’ve ever been at any other point during my 56 years. But I’m not lonely.
When I hear people talk about the “loneliness epidemic” it makes me think that there is a simple solution. Get out of your house, put away your phone and talk to the people you see around you every day.
You’ll be surprised how easily you can make friends this way.
As for me, I already do this.
The podcast episode inspired me to do more of it. Maybe I’ll even meet my next girlfriend this way.