There are days when I’ll work for hours working on a post only to delete it without ever publishing it. When I write an essay that reads as disjointed, mean-spirited or arrogant I’ll save it as a draft to review the next day. Many times, by the next day, I’ve processed through my thoughts on the subject and realize the post never needs to see the light of day.
Nonetheless, it is cathartic to put these thoughts that are swirling around inside my head onto paper. I imagine this is what happens for people who are prolific diarists. This blog has become a semi-public diary of my own.
But some of what circles through my head is best left unsaid.
I’ve been thinking about an essay written by Tim Kreider. In it, he wrote about someone’s repugnant dating behavior that was captured on video and went viral. Commenters were all “horrified” and condemned the behavior. Kreider, on the other hand, wrote that he believed most people thought about doing this and that he was surprised more people didn’t act this way on dates. He confessed that he often thought about it himself and only didn’t act out because of his own insecurities, manners, social mores etc. Of course, in Kreider’s essay, this came across as funny and witty.
I think we all have some of these thoughts swirling through our heads. Plotting revenge. Coming up with scathing retort hours after you need it. Giving someone exactly what “he has coming to him.” Being brutally honest about how we feel about someone.
I don’t have Kreider’s wit or talent, so instead of writing a humorous essay about it, I have to think hard about being kind. And for me, usually, the means instead of publishing my rant, I hit delete.
Those thoughts are better going with me to my grave.