When it comes to dating, I have never been a smooth talker or pickup artist. Nor have I ever been quick to respond with a clever retort or a comeback in non-dating situations.
When I think of that, combined with having had a long stable marriage and living a relatively quiet life, I expected that my return to dating was going to be rough. In fact, I told my first few dates that I was socially inept and new to dating and apologized in advance for the social blunders I expected to make.
And then, to my surprise, I found out I was not inept. In fact, despite being out of practice, I learned that my social skills were pretty solid. Many times, they seemed much stronger than my date’s social skills.
- Texting – I’m responsive. I’m thoughtful. If something is too nuanced for texting, I’ll ask for a call or in-person conversation. I don’t ghost or leave someone hanging without a response.
- Conversations– I’m an outstanding listener. I’m naturally curious. I ask good questions, pay attention and remember.
- Flirting – Not so bad. If anything, I wish my dates would flirt more. But I’m kind of dense here and might be missing subtle flirting signals.
- Giving and accepting sincere compliments – I love to compliment people. I am generous with compliments and have learned to graciously accept them. I was surprised to find most of my dates have a hard time accepting compliments.
- Phone calls – Something has happened in the past few years to telephone skills. More and more, I’m finding that people are quite uncomfortable on the phone. I’m not. But then again, I spent years in sales and management on the phone.
- Chivalry, Kindness and Caring – I’m a natural here. It’s part of my core being and my upbringing to treat women with respect, to be polite, attentive and loving.
As for my other dating skills…they are a work in progress. Unless a woman gives me loud and clear signals, I don’t have much of a sense of when to first hug her, kiss her, etc. One of my dates kissed me and said, “I couldn’t keep waiting for you to make a move.”
After decades of being married where we had constant physical contact, it’s natural for me to want to reach out to hold a woman’s hand, to hug her, to put my arm around her waist, to touch her face. Holding back from this feels strange and unnatural.
I suspect with more dating, I’ll get more comfortable with this too. More likely, it will be natural when I’m dating the right woman. That’s been my experience in past relationships. When I’m with someone who’s a good connection, those little awkward moments seem to pass quickly and effortlessly.