Over drinks before the pandemic, an old friend and former employee of mine talked to me about his failed marriage. He said, “I was working all the time and didn’t spend enough time with my wife. She wanted more than that.”
It was sad to hear. When he worked for me, I tried to push him out of the office because I knew the deleterious effects that being solely focused on for and long hours had on marriages, health and satisfaction. Back during the ’90s dotcom boom, I had seen many friends get divorced, have alcohol and drug problems and incur health problems from working all the time.
I wasn’t successful in helping my friend.
But, like me, he apparently learned from his experience. He now was the CEO of his own company. He still worked long hours, but had begun dating again. He told me he made a promise to himself that if he was invited to do something, he would say “yes”.
As a result, he was in a relationship with a woman he met online. He went wakeboarding with her in the summers after work. He learned to waterski. Most importantly, he spent time with her instead of working 24×7.
He told me it was challenging to do this instead of settling into his comfortable routine. But he couldn’t stop smiling as he told me stories of his adventures
The story of my friend’s committment to say “yes” stuck with me. Although being a workaholic is no longer an issue since I’m retired, I am quite comfortable with my predictable life and my regular routines.
Dating has totally turned that on its head. I’ve said yes to activities I haven’t done for decades (or ever):
- Online dating
- Coffee “Blind dates” (meeting for the first time)
- Eating sushi
- New music
- Different games and entertainment
Saying “yes” is actually not that hard. Sometimes it’s fun. Sometimes it is agitating. Sometimes I decide “I’ll never do that again.“
Regardless of whether the activity is enjoyable or not, I think the practice of saying “yes” to disrupt my normal, comfortable routine is invaluable.
It doesn’t always feel that way in the heat of the moment or in the emotional hangover afterward. I always find it to be a learning experience (eventually).