When I was a kid, I received next to no discipline (and little attention, as I’ve written before) from my mother. She worked. She took care of her boyfriend. She smoked and watched TV. When I was really young, she made dinner.
Starting from around age 5, I fed myself most meals, got myself off to school, did the laundry, cleaned the house, handled my homework and took care of myself.
When I was around 10, started to realize how much freedom I had. My friends had rules from their parents that they had to follow. They had to be home at a certain time. They had to do homework at a certain time. They had to follow a schedule set by their parents. They even had bedtimes set by their parents!
Even as young as that, I remember thinking, “I’m so glad my mother doesn’t try to do that with me. I can’t imagine having to follow all of those rules.”
I don’t know why my mother didn’t set rules for me and my sister. I could speculate, but what would be the point?
What I know is that from a very young age, I was responsible for disciplining myself. And so I did.
I knew what my responsibilities were and I handled them.
That, I suspect, created the foundation for me growing up to be a disciplined, self-motivated and self-directed individual.
I hear about over-scheduled, over-managed and over-pampered kids today (and was guilty of doing this with my step-kids) and I have to think it leads to extended adolescence and immaturity at best. At worst, it leads to entitled, spoiled young adults who rely too heavily on their parents.
I was reading Jared Diamond’s book on primitive tribal life and found the way they raised their children to be quite enlightening. In many tribes, small children (under 5) were with parents, other adults and older siblings all the time. Little was expected of them. Then as they got older, they shadowed older kids and adults and learned skills needed for survival by doing the work alongside their “mentors”.
By the time the kids were young teens, they were prepared for parenthood and to to fully participate as adults.
It makes a lot of sense to me.
I’m not sure how this could work in modern society, unless you were part of a big extended family or some type of co-op/community living group. But I like the idea.