The host of the Solo podcast often derides the idea that having a committed romantic partner “completes someone.” He posits that people are complete as individuals and that the notion of needing partner to be made whole is a fairy tale.
Unlike him and many others in the Solo community, I had a long, happy marriage. And unlike them, I frequently thought that my wife did complete me.
We made a good team. She brought strengths and abilities to our relationship that I didn’t possess. I brought ones she didn’t possess. We complemented each other well.
We shared similar values and ideals. Not on everything – but on the most important things.
As I reflect on our lives together, I realize she didn’t complete me – she brought out the best in me.
Being with her rebuilt my ambition that had withered after I dropped out of college and struggled to earn a living in crappy service jobs.
Being with her restored my self confidence that I was capable of taking on any challenge and making things happen.
Being with her made me realize I was worth something more than my minimum wage jobs and that I could accomplish whatever I set my mind to.
The other thing she drew out of me was purpose, direction and a target for my caretaking. I didn’t even know I needed those things.
I wasn’t incomplete before I met my wife. But she made me better.
As I was thinking through this, she wasn’t the only one who drew the best out of me. I had business mentors, friends, teachers, relatives and even other girlfriends who all did this for me.
Of course my wife had the greatest influence. We were together nearly every day for 29 years. But that doesn’t diminish the contribution of the many people who helped me be my best.
So, in response to the “she completes me” argument, I’ll say instead, “she drew out the best in me…but she wasn’t the only one.”