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Some People Are Just Hurting

Posted on December 15, 2023 by Steve Ainslie

I occasionally run across someone online or in real life who is somewhat annoying. They have a negative attitude. Or they’re overtly confrontational. Or everything they say is laced with sarcasm.

Most of the time, once I recognize a pattern like this, I avoid or ignore the person. Life is too short to engage with annoying people when I don’t have to.


But every once in a while, that person’s armor will slip and I’ll discover that there is pain behind their words. If I hear their pain and can share something – empathy, experience, a kind word – I usually feel compelled to do so.

And I will.

In some cases, the person seems genuinely touched and lets their guard down more. These moments between us are special. We connect, even if only for a brief time, as fellow human beings.

Other times, I’m rebuffed with a snarky response or blown off. That’s OK too. I did my part by reaching out, if they aren’t open to it, I’ll back off and go on my merry way.


If this sounds vague and wishy washy, know that I am being intentionally discrete. I’m not mentioning any specific interactions here because I don’t want to violate anyone’s privacy.

The lesson I’ve learned, once again, from these interactions is that some people are not merely annoying – they are hurting. Rather than resent them or avoid them, it’s usually not a bad idea to offer them a kind word.

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