If you listen to podcasts, follow the news or talk to any Millennials or GenZs, anxiety is going to come up. A lot. I hear people talk about it so frequently, I started to think that everyone except me has anxiety. And unlike Boomers and GenX, they have no qualms talking about their anxiety and being in therapy for years trying to overcome it.
When I listen carefully, I’m not so sure it’s anxiety. Oftentimes, when describing their anxiety, the person tells a story about trying to be someone they are not. Or they describe a situation where other people are not doing what they want them to do. Or they are not getting what they want.
That’s not anxiety – it’s dissatisfaction. I get that – I’ve been there before.
I’ve learned, through repeated failures, that expecting the world to bend to my will is guaranteed to leave me dissatisfied. It never works. I’ve also learned that trying to force myself to be someone or something I am not is also a recipe for failure.
It’s been very freeing to realize this and accept it. For me, it began when I was in my 30s. Until then, I thought I could fight, manipulate, and persevere to change the world into what I wanted it to be. Believe me, I burned up significant time and energy trying. I also tried to make myself into a cool, outgoing, witty, charming extrovert. If you’ve read any of this blog, you know how well that turned out.
I’m a believer in cognitive therapy. It helped me during certain periods of my life, when I needed to address my past and when I needed help working through traumatic events. I had specific objectives and goals when I went to therapy. I was fortunate that my therapist was also goal oriented. We worked through my stuff and mutually agreed to part ways once my objectives were met. The first time, I went to weekly therapy for nearly a year. The 2nd time was for a few weeks.
Now, therapy is so pervasive and accepted, that I think a lot of people go for years, without ever changing. I personally know people who have done this and I’ve heard many more people who have been doing it for 5 years or more.
Whatever. Do what you want. I’ve got no dog in that fight.
But – if you think you are battling anxiety – I recommend spending some time pondering if you are trying to change the world or trying to force yourself to be someone you are not.
If you are, then stop and see if your anxiety goes away. It just might.
See you on the other side.