When I began dating back in the dark ages of the mid 1980’s, being “stood up” was such a rare occurrence that it was used as a plot twist on TV. In real life, it almost never happened to anyone I knew. Back then, a guy usually knew the girl he asked on a date long before asking her out. We were neighbors, classmates or friends of friends. Or we met at a CYO dance or saw each other at an under 21 dance club. Once in a while, you’d have a “blind date” where friends or family made an introduction or even set you up with a double-date.
I dated a few different girls (a dozen?) from when I was 15 until I was 21. Not once was I stood up for a date nor did I ever not show up for one.
Ghosting wasn’t a thing in my world either. Whether it was a mediocre first date or a breakup after weeks or months together, we always ended things – usually in person, face-to-face.
It was just what you did.
A friend of mine recently got back on the dating apps after breaking up with his on again/off again girlfriend. Last night he told me he got ghosted before a first date. He had connected with a woman on the app. They messaged through the app before moving to text to arrange a date. When he reached out to confirm the date a few days later, he received no response. He tried a few times and go no response.
All I could think was what a relief it is that I don’t use dating apps. I told him I think the apps encourage ghosting because people who were dating didn’t used to treat others that way.
Some of us still don’t.
But many people who used dating apps do. It’s become acceptable to simply disappear. You click unmatched after a conversation. You block the person’s phone number. You don’t share your last name or any personal information. You stop talking to someone after a number of dates with no explanation or even the courtesy of saying goodbye.
My friend and I both agreed that someone who does that isn’t someone either of us wants to date.
My friend said for him it was a sign of disrespect. For me it shows a lack of basic courtesy.
It’s become the norm with online dating which is one of the reasons why I opted out.