Back in the dark ages when I was a kid, we had a black and white TV that got 3 channels. Sometimes. Other times the signal could drop down to 2. And after theJohnny Carson show or the news, the stations went off air until the next morning.
So although I didn’t really like the show, I watched Gomer Pyle. What can I say? It was the only thing on sometimes.
Pyle had a saying, “Surprise…surprise.”
I thought of Gomer Pyle when writing this post.
I’ve now been living alone on the road in my camper (with Snickers) for 36 days. I went into this with expectations, hopes and goals. I anticipated that some things would be easy and others difficult. That turned out to be true – except that I completely missed the mark on what would be easy and what wouldn’t be.
Here’s how things have turned out so far.
Extended Stay Camping on Public Lands – I planned to camp in one spot on public land for the maximum 14 day limit before moving on. So far my longest stay has been 4 days. The sites have not been fabulous. When I did camp in some great spots, I found I wanted to resupply with fresh food and/or move on every few days.
Drive Time – I planned to drive no more than 4 hours a day – less than 200 miles. Ideally I wanted to travel only 2 hours per day so I could have plenty of downtime to relax, wander and make camp. My new camps have been too far away for me to stick with a 2-4 drive time. I can easily do 8 hours and often get stuck doing 12+.
Finding Campsites – I thought it would be easy to find campsites. I’ve got Delorme and Benchmark Atlases. I’ve got the National Geographic National Parks Atlas and the Rand McNally Road Atlas. I use freecampsites.net, Campendium and the BLM/National Forest Websites. It’s not been easy. Half of my nights have been spent in crappy locations, parking lots and rest stops. I’m learning though. I now check weather forecasts, read reviews more critically, research road conditions and evaluate remoteness before even considering a site.
Being Off the Grid – I carry adequate water, food, gas and electricity. I figured that would be enough for me to live “off grid” comfortably. Nope. I like having cell phone service. I read online. I watch videos when I’m too tired to read. I talk to my friends and family. My cell phone is my connection to civilization – especially when I’m in the boonies with nobody else around.
I don’t like being completely alone in a remote location with no cell service. If I had someone else camping nearby, I think I’d feel differently. Since I can’t count on this, for now I’m sticking to areas where I have a few bars of cell reception.
Writing – I expected that I would be writing a lot about new experiences and discoveries. I certainly think and talk about these a lot. But by the end of the day, I often have little interest in writing long essays. I am posting short blurbs on Instagram and writing shorter blog posts instead.
Pooping in the woods – Far simpler than I expected. Going from having indoor plumbing my entire life to using the bucket or a hole in the ground has been surprisingly easy. (Had I known this before, I might never have upgraded any of my bathrooms!)
Shopping – Simply sucks. Without Amazon, shopping is tedious. I have to drive somewhere, hope I find what I am looking for, wait in line and then return to camp. Selection is limited. Lines are long. Service is generally bad. Plus, when it’s warm outside I am rushing to get back to the car asap because I can’t leave Snickers in the car for more than a few minutes if it’s hot outside.
Mail – I’ve got a mail service which receives my mail. They will open it and scan it for a fee then forward it to me upon request. The scanning works great. 9 out of 10 times, I have them shred the mail without scanning it or shred it once I see the scan. The problem is that I have received at least 5 rebate checks after selling my home. This meant I had to find a mail service near me, arrange for my mail to be sent there, drive to town to pick it up and then return to camp. What a pain in the ass. Plus if I want the mail sent in 2 days, it costs $35 via UPS!
Solitude – I wanted solitude. I thought it would help me figure things out. I thought I’d enjoy it. I was wrong. I prefer having a few other campers around. Even if we don’t talk to each other, it is comforting to see other people puttering around, hearing them talk to each other and knowing someone is nearby. It’s even better when we talk to each other. I find that without any face to face human contact, I’ll break camp after two days and find somewhere else to go.
Stuff – I downsized from a 1900 square foot 3 bedroom home to a midsize pickup truck and an 8×10 ft camper. I thought I’d struggle with having so few clothes, tools, electronics, sloping space, a kitchen, a bathroom, towels etc. The only thing I miss are my two cats. And occasionally my garage when the weather really sucks.
Food – I miss having access to a good grocery store, a stove, a microwave and a kitchen far more than I ever imagined I would. Over time, I’ll probably get used to this and get better at camp cooking. I also plan to go to town and eat out occasionally for variety and human contact. But man, sometimes I could kill for a hunk of aged gouda cheese, a roasted chicken or an omelet with mushrooms, olives and bacon. It’s all possible out here – just highly inconvenient when shopping at crappy grocery stores and cooking on my bumper. I’ve eaten far too many cans of tuna in the past 30 days.
The Wind – I didn’t think about wind at all. It never occurred to me that wind would impact my daily life even more than rain or cold. When the wind kicks up, it slams my doors open and shut. It shakes the camper. It makes meal prep near impossible as I struggle to hold onto a dish while cooking or transferring food. It makes cleanup a comedy of spilled water, mud, flying debris and splashing. It blows dirt and sand everywhere. Literally everywhere. I’ve set my awing up one time for two hours. Otherwise, it’s been too windy – every single day.
Making friends – I thought I’d meet travelers who shared some things in common with me. I figured we could hike together, sit around a campfire, walk our dogs together and maybe even travel together. So far, almost everyone I’ve met has been old and in bad physical shape. Most sit around all day long. Many are really old and in really bad shape. So much so that they can barely walk, much less hike, climb or do other strenuous activity. We’ve had some good conversations and I’ve spoken to a few interesting people in passing, but nothing has come close to friendship, hiking or even walking the dogs together.
The younger people I’ve seen have only camped overnight and then took off without even saying hello. I suppose they are busy with their own lives and each other (or I appear to be a creepy old man).
I am holding out hope for this though. Flagstaff is my next stop and then the Grand Canyon, Utah and Colorado. I’m bound to meet someone who can hike with me.
Missing My Wife – When I’m in the midst of trying to hold onto dinner in a windstorm, find a campsite in the dark, turn around in a tight spot, find an emergency vet or breaking camp during a rainstorm, I’m not thinking about Ellen. I’m too busy keeping up with the activities of daily life. Yet everyday I think of her and I miss her. When I see couples traveling together, when I see a husband and wife talking by the campfire, in quiet moments, when everything is falling apart and I wish I was dead…I miss her.
Lately I’ve been dreaming about Ellen. We’re doing something totally normal. Or, I’m planning my road trip and trying to convince her to join me. Or something is wrong. But in all cases, she’s alive and there with me. And then I wake up, realizing at once that she is dead and none of it matters. After these dreams, I always wake up crying.
There’s lot’s more to write about. But that’s all I’m going to write for today.