Urban Dictionary defines this best,
Compliment Sandwich: When someone tries to ease the blow of a criticism by delivering it between two insincere compliments.
I’ve been served both this and the half-compliment sandwich – aka the open-faced shit sandwich (when someone opens with a compliment and then drops the hammer).
Here’s the deal – it doesn’t make the bad news any easier to swallow. In fact, it makes it worse:
- The compliment seems insincere – even if it is legit.
- You teach the recipient to cringe every time you give a compliment because they are just waiting for the criticism part.
- You seem spineless. If you had any courage, you would simply deliver the difficult message without trying to mask it.
A Better Way
Tell the truth. I wrote a post about how I learned to do this here.
Thanks people when they do something you appreciate – do it sincerely and often – in real time.
When it is time to deliver some bad news, do it directly and honestly – ideally in private.
Recently I had to Share Some Bad News With My Son
It was really bad news. A few hours later at dinner he said,
I really appreciate that you don’t sugarcoat things. It may sometimes feel like getting shot with both barrels at once, but I know I’ll hear the truth.
I consider that to be a big compliment. Although I do need to work on softening my approach a bit when sharing bad news. The “shot with both barrels” tells me I can probably be a bit kinder and gentler.
That’s something I will work on more.