From traditional media to “Bro” podcasts to quasi-intellectuals like Prof G and Jordan Peterson, it seems like everyone is talking about the “crisis of masculinity” that’s sweeping through American boys and men like an epidemic.
Please. Spare me.
Experts (and non-experts with opinions) opine about problems that plague young men including issues with identity, relationships, work, self-esteem, physical health and mental health – as if men never faced these issues in previous generations.
They cite statistics about men who never had a girlfriend or sex or a job. They wax on about men who spend all of their time playing video games, watching porn and being online. They talk about declining college graduation rates, employment rates and life satisfaction for men. They discuss growing rates of suicide, obesity, anxiety and depression.
The solutions recommended always include societal and systemic “shoulds“:
- The government should develop programs to promote trade schools, marriage, sports leagues, community service etc.
- The parents should limit social media and screen time.
- Schools should …
You get the idea – there’s a problem and someone else should fix it.
Many years ago I interviewed someone for a sales position. He was able to articulate problems within the industry, the issues with our product and the challenges of our sales team. He impressed me during the interview. I had an open position and was desperate to fill it quickly. That night, I was talking to my wife about making him an offer when she said,
“Everyone knows the problems. That doesn’t make them special. Did he offer any solutions?“
As a matter of fact, he didn’t.
I did not hire him.
I learned a valuable lesson from my wife that night which I’ve applied to many areas of life ever since – everyone knows the problems.
So young men have problems. No kidding.
We had the same issues when I was growing up. Back then, we were just to ashamed to discuss them – especially in public.
Trust me, men wanted to be tougher, sexier, have girlfriends (and especially sex), make more money, be admired, and on and on and on…
Newsflash – life is hard sometimes.
Young men who are struggling with these issues won’t be best served by therapy, mentoring, father figures, government programs and coddling. There’s a reason they are anxious and depressed. Their lives are depressing. Their jobs are shit. Their fitness is abysmal. Their confidence and resilience have not been been built up.
The solution begins with a direct question to each of these men – what are you going to do about it?
Making it better will require change, risk, effort, sacrifice and struggle.
It’s up to each man to do it for himself.
I’ll close with more words of wisdom my wife gave me many years ago…
“Toughen up Buttercup”