I was thinking about the women I’ve loved this morning when it occurred to me that only two of them were good matches for me – my first girlfriend and my last girlfriend (who became my wife). In between, I had several girlfriends, many crushes and dated dozens of others. In addition, as a widower, I dated 13 other woman last year. So, all included, I’d guess I dated at least 25 different women in my life and had serious unrequited crushes on at least a dozen others.
I’ve written in the past that I would have married any one of my long term girlfriends – my first, my longest who I was with for 4 years, and of course my last (whom I did marry).
I was thinking about the 13 women I dated last year, and how, in hindsight, it is glaringly obvious that none of them would have been a good fit. Although they were mostly intelligent, witty, kind-hearted, and attractive, by the time we had one or two dates, there were clear indications that a long term relationship with us would never work out. A few had serious mental/emotional issues. A few others had different life objectives. A few had other priorities. A few weren’t interested in me. I am grateful today that we broke it off before either of us invested much time or energy in trying to force things to work.
My revelation this morning was about my high school girlfriend who I was with for 4 years. She and I were in love. We spent a lot of time together. We trusted each other. We were clearly mutually attracted to each other. But today, as I wondered, “What if we had stayed together and gotten married?“, I realized we weren’t a good fit.
Wow.
We had a lot of fun together. We “vibed” well. We were both high energy and active. We were both smart. But then there were some big differences. I was older than her and clearly an old soul, having more or less raised myself. She was part of a 2 parent, caring nuclear family with extended family being a big part of her life. I was an intellectual, street smart, academic individualist. She was a standout athlete who thrived on team sports including softball and tennis. My temperament was cold and distant. She was much softer and sweeter, but unlike my wife, didn’t have the life experience to bring me there with her.
Marriage would not have worked out for us. Or, if it did, I suspect that both of us would have been disappointed and would not have grown as much as we could have with a partner who was a “better fit”.
I know I did.
I hope that she did too. She was a sweet girl who left me with fond memories.
My other revelation was that I’m pretty sure that my first girlfriend, who broke up with me before we hit our 2 month anniversary, would have been a great fit.
We loved each other too, despite an early end to our relationship. I know she married her next boyfriend, became an elementary school teacher and a mother with several kids. Her kids would now be old enough that she might even be a doting grandmother by now.
I’m not sad that things didn’t work out between us – that was a long time ago and we were just kids. Clearly things worked out just the way they should have for both of us with our spouses.
Unlike so many of my recent posts, this one actually has a conclusion. I came to the conclusion that I’m still open to falling in love again and partnering up with another woman. But, I also realize the chances of it happening are quite slim. Given my loner lifestyle, my introverted personality and my ever narrowing preferences, the chances of me finding a good fit – especially when I am not even looking – grow smaller every day.
That’s all good too. I have a partner who adores me, spends nearly every waking hour by my side and is a perfect fit:
