I think most people recognize what is true from what is false.
They know when someone is lying,
They know when a politician or being hypocritical.
They know when they are behaving in a way that goes against their own values or beliefs.
They know BS when they hear it.
Most people know when The Emperor Has No Clothes.
So I think it’s a waste of effort trying to “reason” with someone to persuade them to change their mind – especially if the person is choosing to ignore obvious facts or making false equivalencies to justify their opinions.
When I hear someone from the left or right try to convince a person who opposes them that their viewpoint is the “right one”, on any issue, I know it’s a fool’s errand.
Very few people are willing to recognize that they might be wrong. Only a fraction of those who do would ever be open to being told they are wrong, reflecting on this and changing their mind. (I am not immune to this. I bristle at criticism.)
There is a way that we learn we are wrong – through experience, disappointment and failure. You cannot give this to anyone. They have to live it for themselves.
Frustrated persuaders bemoan the obstinacy (or stupidity) of those who remain unconvinced of their “wrongness”. These persuaders ask, “Why can’t they see the truth?”
They can. They do.
They choose to ignore it or dismiss it.
Maybe because it is fun.
Maybe to signal whose side they are on.
Maybe to feel like part of a “team”.
Maybe because they don’t want to think about it.
Maybe because they think they are right, regardless of facts.
Maybe they’re drunk. Or high. Or psychotic. Or schizophrenic. Or tired. Or angry. Or afraid.
Who knows?
In AA we used to say that before taking the first step, an alcoholic had to want to stop drinking.
Nothing we said could convince them to want to stop drinking. Believe me, we all tried to convince people.
And of course, we all failed.
There is something that can convince someone to want to stop drinking – continue drinking and suffering the consequences from alcoholism.
If it doesn’t kill you or land you in jail or an institution, the pain might get bad enough that you want to quit.
I’ve discovered the same rule applies for almost all situations.
And I’ll be the last person to try to convince you of this.
