There’s a simple reason I don’t celebrate many holidays. After I stopped believing in Santa Claus, most holidays always left me feeling like “this was supposed to be more fun”.
I got this idea it from watching too many movies and TV shows. Other people, on screen and in real life, seemed far more excited about holidays than I was.
Here’s what I remember
- The Last Day Of Summer Vacation – it often rained, I was filled with dread at the thought of being locked up for the next 9 months, friends sometimes started a day before me and there was usually nothing to do
- New Year’s Eve – I never got kissed by a beautiful stranger at midnight. I often stood around in freezing weather waiting for the “countdown” to…nothing much different. Even when I went to parties, they tended to be lackluster affairs.
- Birthdays – I celebrated my birthday until I was 17. That’s when my best friend threw a surprise party for me that almost cost us our friendship. That’s not why I stopped celebrating. I stopped celebrating because there was really nothing left to celebrate. At 21, a few classmates from night school took me to a bar – we drank blue martinis and they had a cake delivered table side via a waitress coming down a fire pole. By 10PM, we all went home to bed. Alone.
- Prom Night – I looked forward to prom since middle school. And then the night came. My tux didn’t fit right. My girlfriend and I were tense. I wanted to get a hotel room- she was having none of it. We weren’t invited to any cool afterparties. The music sucked and the food was bleh. I was relieved when we stopped at McDonald’s for some real food and actually glad when I dropped her at home by 1AM.
- Graduation – I was Valedictorian! My plan since 7th grade has been a success. I gave my grand, heartfelt speech and there were no tears in anyone’s eyes (even mine). Then we took a bunch of pictures and a few hours later it was over. Little did I know how much of my identity had been wrapped up in being the “smart guy” at school. In two months, I became just another faceless college freshman soon to become a nobody.
After I met my wife, holidays took on a special meaning once again. She had a big extended family and we had 2 kids. That meant big dinners, gifts, traditions and celebrations. It was fun – even if it was often chaotic at holiday dinners.
Once the kids left, Ellen and I settled into a comfortable routine for holidays. We did little special things for each other – like ordering take-out and renting movies. Holidays were uneventful but relaxing. Since I usually didn’t have work, it was a time for me to unwind for a few days.
Now that I’m alone and retired, holidays are a pain in the ass. Stores are busier (or closed). The pool closes for several days and my routine is interrupted.
My favorite part of the holidays lately has been when they are over and I can get back to my usual routine.
Funny enough, if it wasn’t for the pandemic this year, I imagine I would have done some celebration with friends, neighbors or fellow pool fanatics. I can see that happening next year, if we get back to “somewhat normal” by then.
As for this year, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were fine. I missed the pool, but not much else.
Bah humbug.