While reorganizing my digital files today, I reviewed letters, documents and photos that I hadn’t looked at in years. Some went back 20 years. I saved them because at one time they seemed important. These included myspace pages, letters to courts, receipts, appeals written to help family members, obituaries, and the other miscellaneous documents you might expect from years of supporting family members dealing with addiction, arrests, incarceration, delinquency and related problems.
It was pretty bad – in fact, it was worse than I remembered.
When we were in it, dealing with the challenges, my wife and I just put our heads down and did our best to keep moving forward helping the kids get through hard times and deal with the consequences of their actions. We also tried to help her ex-husband get a reduced sentence after being convicted for telemarketing business opportunity fraud. During his incarceration, my wife visited him (at least once, I recall), we took multiple collect calls from him and we deposited money into his commissary account several times.
It was all there, in back and white. Letters to judges. Copies of receipts. Requests for Coroner’s reports. Death certificates and divorce decrees. Old photos documenting good and not so good times.
With the benefit of time and hindsight, I’m somewhat stunned what we dealt with. I would never have associated with people like this, had they not been part of our family.
As for her ex, my wife always said we should help him because it would be helping the kids. My wife was a good person with a big heart. Although I did not support her ex’s behavior and life choices, I supported my wife’s decision to try to help him. We wrote letters, sent money, took his calls and helped him when he was down and out.
Personally, I drew the line at visiting him in prison. That, I refused to do. He wasn’t my ex-husband nor my friend. If it wasn’t for the kids, I would have had nothing to do with him.
My stepdaughter passed away in 2006.
The ex died in 2012.
My wife died in 2018.
My stepson cut ties with me in 2019.
I have many good memories of times with my family – especially from the earlier years when the kids were younger before their addictions and struggles.
I’m glad that the memories of the difficult times have mostly faded away. I don’t miss those times at all.
I will probably not look at these files ever again, unless I need to access something for legal reasons.