I was listening to a podcast that discussed the Prisoner’s Dilemma and various strategies to maximize a player’s winnings. The prisoner’s dilemma is a situation in which two people can either cooperate for mutual benefit or betray the other person for individual gain.
In simulations, the winning strategy was to cooperate on your first turn and then do “tit for tat” – copying whatever your opponent did in the previous turn. If your opponent cooperates, you cooperate. If he defects (betrays you), you do the same to him.
This idea has bounced around inside my head for a while now.
As someone who prefers cooperation to competition, my approach has generally been softer. I try not to offend people. I try to “take the high road”, even when others take the “low road”.
Here are some examples:
- I never cheated on schoolwork.
- In sales, I refused to lie, manipulate or use sketchy “sales tactics”.
- I don’t cheat on my taxes.
- I rarely lie. (Almost never, with certain exceptions*).
- I don’t steal.
- I don’t bully people.
As a consequence of following my principles, I saw other kids get the same grades as me without putting in the effort. I was outsold and earned less commission than some of my peers who were willing to “bend the rules” and/or lie to customers to make sales. I pay more taxes than people who are willing to lie to the IRS and State Tax authorities. I know people who benefited from stealing money and stuff while I had to do without.
It was frustrating at times. I did the right thing and it didn’t pay off.
Or so it seemed.
For me, taking the high road has been its own reward. I feel better about myself. I know who I am, what I stand for and what I am willing to do (and not do).
My identity, self-worth and character are all tied up into this.
On the other hand – I refuse to be a victim. This is where tit for tat comes into play for me.
I give most people the benefit of the doubt. I think most people will do the right thing. Sometimes I’m wrong.
Even then, I’ll often give them another chance, thinking the first offense was an aberration.
Sometimes, I’m still wrong.
That’s when I push back.
I might fight. I might take my business elsewhere. I might file a formal complaint. I might buck up and confront a bully. I might take my ball and go home. I might disappear from someone’s life forever.
Tit for tat.
* I used to lie all the time. Now, my lies are few and far between. I will intentionally “lie by omission” at times to not offend someone or be unkind. On even fewer occasions I might outwardly lie for the same reasons.