After every date, it takes me several hours (or longer) to recover. Sometimes it’s because of my emotions. Sometimes it’s because I ate something disagreeable (sashimi one time, garlicky pasta another time). Sometimes it’s because I simply need time to return to my normal, upbeat baseline.
Frequently I’ll call my friend Craig to talk about the date. He’ll listen dispassionately, ask me questions and offer his advice. I may not take his advice, but talking with him helps me to make decisions like:
- Should I go on another date with this woman?
- Are we compatible or is that wishful thinking?
- Am I being realistic in my expectations (and wants)?
Because I’ve only been dating for 2 months, this process is still new for me and I’m grateful he’s willing to listen as I bend his ear.
I called him the other day after a date. He then repeated what I had said to him about my date.
- You had a good time.
- The conversation was easygoing and comfortable.
- You both laughed a lot and enjoyed each other’s company.
“Of course you should go on a second date!”
Then he said, “You should stop calling me after every date for my advice. Trust your gut. If you like someone but aren’t 100% sure, go on another date – or several more dates until the decision becomes clear.”
I’ve been hoping that I could meet a woman for the first time, we feel a mutually strong connection that makes our hearts race and we agree to start a committed relationship.
Just writing that last sentence makes me realize how infantile and unrealistic that is.
The women I am dating are intelligent, mature, accomplished,independent and self confident. None of them are going to make a rash, rushed decision like that. Nobody, who wasn’t mentally ill, would.
Not even me.
So I’ve now realized that dating is going to progress even more slowly because I want a committed relationship. That’s going to take time, lots of first dates, and many 2nd/3rd/4th/5th+ dates before even knowing if we want to be committed to each other.
And it will require patience – which is my least favorite thing to practice.