In the book “How I Found Freedom In An Unfree World“, the author, Harry Browne, writes that you should present your true self in all social situations in order to meet others who share your interests and values. He says that doing this will also repel people who don’t share common interests with you.
Browne says that when people put on a false front or hide their true selves in order to “fit in”with a group they will be disappointed because they will:
- Create a false persona that they will struggle to maintain.
- Fail to attract people like themselves, because hey have hidden their true self.
- Feel lonely because they will be surrounded by people unlike them.
It’s an approach that has proven to be true for me. The more open I am about myself with others, the less time I spend making excuses, spending time in unrewarding activities or feeling alone in a crowd.
When I think of how much peer pressure affected my thoughts and actions as a young man, I am appalled. I wish I had learned these lessons in my teenage years. It would have saved me a lot of unneccessary aggravation and wasted effort.
Of course, I’m old now (late middle age according to the numbers) so of course I’m less affected by peer pressure. I’m also widowed, early retired and a loner. Peer pressure might be higher if I was in high school, part of a corporation, a member of a close family or a tight social group.
Then again, I think one of the primary reasons I’m not part of any of those groups isn’t just chance and circumstances.
I gravitate toward being an outsider. It’s in my nature.
Even so, I’ve been pleasantly surprised there are others like me. They pop up in unexpected places – like the coworker who had lost a child, the frugal/minimalist woman I met when dating, the biker I met in AA who became one of my closest lifelong friends and my wife, whom I met while working at Mailboxes Etc. back in 1989.
In AA, I was taught to keep my eye open for opportunities to be helpful. When I do that, I tend to find others who share some important things in common. And when we don’t share common interests, saying “no” is a perfectly acceptable response.