On podcasts, people frequently gripe about not getting closure. They carry an expectation that they deserve closure after ending long-term romantic relationships. Or from a date who ghosted them after a few months. Or from a family member or friend who hurt them a long time ago.
They want an explanation. They want an apology. They want acknowledgment of their pain and an explanation from their perpetrator.
I understand.
We all want this.
We’re just never going to get it.
A friend of mine had a violent, abusive mother. When he visited her during her final days of life in hospice care, he asked her, “Is there anything you need to say to me? This might be the last time we talk.”
Her reply, “Nope.“
When I asked my own mother why she moved us back in with my crazy stepfather less than a month after we had finally escaped by moving away, she responded, “I don’t know,” and changed the subject.
As for ex-girlfriends, former employers, ghosted dates, and bullies from grade school – there will never be any closure coming from them either.
Closure is a fantasy.
Most people, even those closest to us, will never face their past mistakes, let alone apologize for them.
Some people don’t think they did anything wrong.
Others have pretended for so long, that they can’t acknowledge them even again.
And I suspect, many don’t think about it at all.
Except for the person longing for “closure”.
This is real life. It’s not a made for TV special. Closure almost never happens.