Last night I had a dream where my wife and I were going to a fast food joint. We were walking at first but for the last mile, I flew her there using my jetpack – which, at the time, seemed totally reasonable. While we were in line placing our orders, our little old man dog Shortie showed up. He apparently had snuck out to follow us because my wife had left the normal door open with just the screen door closed.
I was haranguing her about leaving the door open when she smiled at me and said sweetly,“Oh Honey…don’t be upset. Shortie died years ago. You know that. He’s not really here.”
Even though I was petting him and he was as full of life as he had been for the entire time he was with us, I realized she was right. I calmed down, smiled back at her and said, “Oh yeah…you’re right.”
I moved on as if everything was normal and got ready to pay for our food when she continued to smile at me and said, “I’m not really here either Honey…I died years ago too.”
She said it the same way she would tell me any simple, obvious fact. Even though she was right there with me, smiling and touching me and as full of life as ever.
But I realized at that moment, while in the dream, that it was just a dream. And I felt my heart break.
Then I woke up.
I love when my wife visits me in my dreams. I love when my old pets do. I love when my Aunt Es and Uncle Bob do. It brings me great joy to be with them for a moment, seeing them, talking to them, toucan them and loving them.
It’s such a pleasure, that I don’t even feel bad when I wake up to the reality of being alone.
I miss them all. So much.
I think that it how it is supposed to be.