After a serious discussion of the Covid-19 pandemic, its impact on society, the bizarre experience of grocery shopping in a lockdown, looking at people as disease vectors, the politicization of the crisis, the upcoming US presidential election and my general disgust with the ineptitude of most of our elected officials, my friend suggested I run for office.
This is not the first time someone suggested this to me.
But, it was without a doubt the funniest.
I explained that I think I’d do a good job dealing with things like pandemics, emergency responses, setting fair policies and representing my community. In all seriousness, I think I’d be pretty damn good at it.
Selfishly though, I told my friend that all I really wanted was two things:
- I would change the local laws so that all indoor pools remained open even during thunderstorms (currently state law closes indoor pools for 30 minutes after thunder – as if they are no properly grounded and we’d all be electrocuted thus cutting my swimming workouts short).
- I would legalize and regulate prostitution so that sex workers were protected. This would solve many sex problems without causing of unwanted pregnancy, bad marriages, divorces, bad relationships, abuse etc.
It was at that moment that my friend came up with my campaign slogan. He said it was a sure winner:
Vote Ainslie – Whores and Pools
See you at the polls.