I was looking for something – anything – that would help me deal with the loss of my wife.
So I googled widower, widower at 50, widower blog and other similar phrases.
I was surprised that the first 30 results were all focused on dating:
- Dating Tips for Widowers
- Sex and the Grieving Widower
- Widow and Widower Meetup Groups
- On Life and Love After 50
- and so on…
The google ads were similarly targeted:
- “Date Gorgeous Widowed Singles”
- “Are You A Widow Or Widower? We Can Help You Find Your Ideal Date”
- “Dating After 50 And Widowed | Search Dating After 50 And Widowed”
Ugh.
I think we can do better. That’s why I am writing about my deeply personal and difficult time mourning my wife. Maybe it will help another widower to know he’s not the only one going through what I am experiencing.
With more searching, I eventually uncovered other widower blogs and articles. But they were mostly written by young men under 30 who lost their wives and are left to care for small children.
These men were all looking for a replacement mother, a hot lover and a new wife to replace the one they lost. They tended to write about dating and relationships as a primary focus.
I get it. But that’s a different world than the one I inhabit.
I’ve got zero interest in dating. I married the love of my life. I don’t want anyone else.
I don’t need a mother for my kid (who’s over 30!).
I don’t need tips on dating.
I’m not interested in meeting “gorgeous singles near me”.
Instead, I’d like to hear about how others in my situation cope.
How do you handle it when a friend says “Let’s get lunch” and I can’t bear the thought of making small talk?
Did you ever feel like selling everything and running away?
Does your house seem empty? Too big? Too full of reminders of her?
When someone shows the least bit of kindness, does it make you crumble inside?
Why can’t I feel her presence?
Do you dream of her dying every night too?
Does life feel meaningless?
Do you think about adopting another dog?
What did you do with her ashes?